noblogtitlela

Chocolate

2007-07-22T21:29:00.000+08:00

Which is the BEST way to eat Ferrero Rocher? =)

I think most of the time, girls like to eat it layer by layer, first, the nutty chocolate hard layer, then the softer wafer like shell will be revealed, then we will bite off one half of the wafer sphere and then we will eat the soft creamy ball of chocolate. Sometimes, we will just eat half of the creamy chocolate ball and the big nut will gleam at us, then we will proceed to devour the nut as if its not supposed to tempt us. Then we will lick out the remaining creamy chocolate from the half wafer sphere and then, there will be no more.

Of course, that is what I always tend to do. Haha. Then today I was wondering if that is the instinct of young kids, to slowly savour their little golden ball. Because when we are young, our parents will most likely say, "Girl ah! Don't eat so many chocolate! Heaty!", "Cause pimples", "You so fat already!". So every single golden ball is like a special treat.

I just found out another satisfying way to enjoy Ferrero Rocher. That is to take a small bite into the whole ball and all at once, you will taste the nutty hard layer, the wafer shell, the creamy layer and the nut. YUM! =) One ball can last about 3 bites. It's really not bad. Haha.

How do you like to have your Ferrero Rocher?

2007-07-04T01:14:00.000+08:00

I think, the alcohol is getting to my head.
(Yeah!! At least it shows that the blood flow in my body is not retarded)

And Charlene is too nice.

And some people are too horrible, we should let them be.

And when we get older, a lot of things change.

What things?

You know, everything.

Top of the World

2007-06-29T00:01:00.001+08:00

Going to other places in this world actually makes me feel dislike for this place I call home.

Firstly, the size and land area is something everyone scoffs at. From tourists to locals. Boo.

Secondly, as much as my body can't stand the cold, the weather here seems to shine down on you relentlessly. Like how when you watch tv and those police officers will shine the spotlight up the criminals' nostrils. Only that we sweat like a pig and those criminals sweat lesser than us (I think).

Thirdly, how much fucking shopping can one do when one has not enough money? And that is all to this country. Shopping. Or Sweating. Or eating and sweating over not exercising because you ate too much good, delicious sin inducing food.

Ok, I am lazy to think of others. There ARE still more but I can't be bothered right now.

Anyway, in a =) - er mode, Alaska and Canada were both great.

In Alaska, most of the time, the weather is cloudy. And it rains alot. Haha. The comedian on the cruise made a joke about how the next time someone makes a comment about "sticking it where the sun don't shine", they are talking about Alaska. The sun only starts to set at 10pm and at midnight, the sky is still not dark. At 3/4am, the sun rises again for a brand new day. Well, I guess if I live there I will be eager to wake up so early too. The place is beautiful. For every places we've been in Alaska (Ketchikan, Juneau, Icy Strait) there are snow mountains everywhere. The air is amazingly fresh and if you stare at the ocean long enough, you'll see a humpback whale showing off its tail before diving into the waters. Or you'll see sea lions and lots of eagles. The crows there are damn fat. They look like black hens until you realise they can fly. Wild black bears are supposedly common too but they were hiding when I went. Another thing great about Alaska? They have the freshest Alaskan King Crabs. And they were delicious too. Not to forget, the glaciers. They are simply amazing.

You know how in "Supermassive Black Hole" Muse will sing about how "Glaciers melting in the dead of night" and now I can say I truly understand that line for I've seen glaciers and I've seen them melting. But not in the dead of the night but you still know it will still melt a little in your mind. haha.

Canada, the land of maple trees and honey, was great too. Nice weather, nice Subway (the fast food joint) and nice Canadian Rockies. There's so many Asians there. And so many of these Asians call Canada their home. Somehow in the back of my head I can't help thinking those Asians are deluding themselves. Home is where they came from. They seem to be forcing themselves to believe that Canada is now their home and its so weird. When they still speak in heavily accented Hong Kong English. When I was there, and I had to speak to an angmoh, I almost feel as if I have to use Hong Kong accented English to speak to them because that is what they expect of me - an Asian. I'm glad to say that after the tour I didn't speak like my tour guide. Haha. Though I could imitate him with his accent quite well by the end.

At the canadian rockies, I got to walk on the glacier. It was out of this world. Walking on one big chunk of ice which is older than you, me and your grandparents put together. And its so huge too. I love the glacier, because I got to lie on it, to touch it, to drink off the melting parts. It almost feel so unreal now. Especially when all these memories of the glacier will only exist in my memory in a few decades when everything is gone. They showed us where the glacier was and how far it has receded. And its really scary. I love Canada because they make an effort to be environmentally friendly. They enforce high taxes on every good we buy because they will try to dispose them properly. They use Toyota Prius as their cabs. Their paper hand towels in the toilets are brown because it is made of recycled products. No smoking in a lot of places. They really take care of their country. We should all learn from them.

And I always think its nice to go for runs in cold weathers. Haha. And their hills or mountains actually have wild deers on them. Its so cool. Of course the mountains will have even more animals. Like brown/black bears or the moose (which is the national animal for canada). They have lots of squirrels or chipmunks look-a-like running around too. And they are usually quite tame. But that isn't a good sign for me because it means they are too reliant on humans for food. They are so tame they even dare to jump onto your jeans and smell you. But they are cute la. And then you will have an urge to feed them food. The vicious cycle never ends.

Well, now you see why Singapore pales so much in comparism. While admiring the glaciers on board the cruise, I suddenly thought of the city landscape and I got a sore feeling in my eyes. Its as if the city landscape became too crude to even think about. And I think that's true. I don't see the greatness in those cold steel buildings.

The Tenth is Lying

2007-04-04T21:26:00.000+08:00

Because I am lazy to read this article now, but I think it is very important... ...

MILAN, April 4 (Reuters) - "Nine out of ten people say they love chocolate. The tenth is lying," said Guido Gobino, 47, in his lab in Turin, northwestern Italy, as automated machinery stamped and wrapped his Tourinot chocolates in silver foil.

Made only with cocoa, sugar, vanilla and hazelnuts, they melt on the tongue, releasing a bouquet of chocolate velvet.

High-end chocolatiers like Gobino are making the most of mounting global appetites for gourmet chocolate, and leading a rise in demand for Italian-made brands.

Not widely associated with chocolate, the Italians nonetheless have won top prizes and claim a long history in the indulgence, saying they even taught the Swiss some core skills.

Worldwide gourmet chocolate sales should reach $1.62 billion in 2008, consultant Judith Ganes-Chase said last month. And Italian consumption has doubled in the last decade to 4.5 kg per head, though it still lags the European average of 7.5 kg.

"Chocolate exploded in the last year," said Davide Pogliani, who has added a room just to sell chocolates in his fine wine and food store in Milan. "We sell mostly Amedei -- considered the best in the world -- and Gobino."

Based in Pontedera, near Pisa, Amedei won a gold medal for best in the world in 2005 and 2006 from London's Academy of Chocolate.

Cecilia Tessieri, 39, and her brother Alessio, 42, who founded Amedei in 1989, took their search for the best ingredients to the ultimate conclusion and are the only Italian chocolatiers who run their own cocoa plantation in Venezuela.

"A good chocolate, like a good wine, starts from the vine," Cecilia Tessieri said.

CHOCOLATE SUPERTUSCANS

Italian chocolatiers have seen their exports rise 500 percent in the last five years as they added clients like chef Ferran Adria of famed El Bullin restaurant in Spain, and Fortnum and Masons, London's 300-year-old fine food emporium.

Gobino and Amedei are emerging because they meet demand for high-quality, organic products.
Gobino does not use any preservatives or artificial colours. For example, he makes white chocolate by removing the fibre from the cocoa, which is what gives it its dark colour, and adding only cocoa butter, milk and sugar.

Also, he uses only Piedmont hazelnuts -- far costlier than the more common Turkish ones -- because they are 60 percent fat, which makes them creamier.

Choosing the best ingredients is not cheap. A 55 gram/1.92 ounce Amedei bar sells for 13 euros ($17), or 236 euros a kg, about 10 times the cost of industrial chocolates. Gobino chocolates cost about 50 euros a kg.

"They're expensive, but when it comes to spending for quality, high prices are not an issue for our clients," Pogliani said.

Around the world, prices for gourmet chocolates can reach stratospheric heights. In Connecticut, chef Fritz Knipschildt charges $250 for a single dark chocolate with a French black truffle inside -- $2,600 per pound.

Turin, Gobino's hometown in northwestern Italy, is the birthplace of Italy's $4 billion-a-year chocolate industry and now accounts for more than one-third of the country's production, which ranks fourth in Europe behind Germany, Britain and France.
FIRST WRAPPED IN TURIN
Yet Turin's claims go deeper than that.
Brought from America to Europe by the Spanish, cocoa became the drink of kings. The Spanish royals passed on the fashion to the French, who in turn initiated the Savoy family of Turin.
But it was Turin's chocolatiers who first wrapped chocolate to prevent oxidation, making lasting chocolates.

And, they say, they even taught the Swiss.

Turin's own Pier Paul Caffarel in 1826 taught the trade to Francois Callier, the pioneer of Switzerland's chocolate industry.

Today Turin's rich and powerful still turn to the city's chocolatiers for special occasions.
Gobino created the centrepiece for the wedding reception of John Elkann, vice-chairman of carmaker Fiat and heir to the Agnelli family empire.

At the reception, 350 chocolate replicas of Fiat's iconic Cinquecento car "drove" down a chocolate ramp to a base of white chocolate and raspberry, two metres wide and four metres long, all of it weighing 160 kg.

Marina Cutelle, who two years ago opened Chococult, a three-storey chocolate bar in Milan, said champagne would have been a good choice to wash down that dessert.

Cutelle, who says she eats a pound of hazelnut chocolate in one sitting and offers a variety of wines and liqueurs to match the selection in her bar, said, "A flute of champagne after a milk chocolate gives maximum pleasure."

2007-03-12T23:02:00.000+08:00

I have been slowly and dangerously simmering with this for the whole day.

WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT ARTS AND SOCIAL SCIENCES IS LOUSIER THAN OTHER FACULTIES IN UNIVERSITY?

WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK.

Bloody hell... I'm sure there are plenty of arts students who can enter other stupid shitty faculty that only use math or sci to talk. Hey, even if you can ace your stupid engineering paper, doesnt mean you can even pass a literature paper. WTF.

Tell me, so what if you know all the formula to calculate some stupid minute particle in the air that is invisble? Yes, you will know about that particle, but do you know yourself?

At least in arts, you learn about emotions and feelings of people. You study about feelings and you'll get an idea that there is more depth to how someone seems to be showing outwardly. And within this probe, you realise that you can understand yourself better. Why sometimes you do the things you do. ALL this, allows you to find your own humanity inside you. If not, you're just a formula, theory gulping machine and you are seriously de-humanised.

It's really no use grasping all those stupid concepts and not finding out more about yourself. Yes, it will probably get you a job but is this all there is to life? You're just gonna be a worker ant to your country? Happy toiling and working aimlessly, unknowingly then.

But seriously, screw this country. They want to promote arts, but the stigma of doing arts is so widespread. Even those who have an interest in arty courses are running off to business or science. Where at least they know they can have a more secure job after uni.

Seriously, I applaud those majoring in lit or theatre studies. Because I'd like to do that, but I ask myself everyday, if I have the balls to do it. And because I should stop being such an idealistic and be more realist, I fucking dunno. Its a matter of survival vs interest.

I want a secure job, so that I can earn a certain amount of money, to look after my loved ones, and to give myself a good life. At the expense of my true interest? Is it worth it? Is it a good gamble to follow your interest and not get any money and then regretting? I don't think so.

So often, the cruel, unblinking, relentless capitalism crushes us flat. And all of us have dollar signs for eyes.

This is a hellish world we are living in.

2007-02-14T23:54:00.000+08:00

*Clicks "New Post"

Everything unfolds.

I REALLY don't feel like going to school tmr. Sigh. I need help. It's been six freaking weeks. I think I am getting lousier with this thing called "school" as I get older. I have no more stamina to do the same old shit every week and sit in the lecture halls and breaking up into groups to discuss tutorial questions. Sometimes I just want to go to school and not open my mouth.

One and a half semester in uni, I realised I can talk to just about anyone who's within my speaking distance. I mean its not that I can't do that in the past. I could. But its just that only now, I can just open my mouth and talk to a stranger about philosophy, about harms of globalisation and laugh about theatrical elements. In the past, it was more of, why should I open my mouth to discuss about those issues? Now it's more about, hey, open your stupid mouth, brainstorm, present and get your participation points in tutorials. I really prefer JC. Whereby I could just sit in class, cross my arms and just talk when I feel like it.

SIGH.

Why don't I wanna go to school tmr? Erm, I'm not really sure, since all my modules are interesting this semester. Ok well fine, I don't wanna go to school because I am tired. Yes. That's it. I A.M. T.I.R.E.D. What? Never heard of someone being tired to go to school before?

I think it is bad to think that I am too tired to go to school tmr. I only have a 3 day week school. And I know of quite a number of people who will kill to have my time table. But hey. Please. I've been a good girl since school started (this current sem anyway). I've not skip a single lecture or tutorial, unless u count the lectures on Muse day, but fuck. That IS Muse day. And my birthday when I had to miss one New Media tutorial. The New Media tutor is quite good looking. Dresses nicely and all. And my philosophy tutor, a young guy, is quite hot too. HEHE.

I know. I sound as if I have nothing better to blog about. SIGH. CNY coming! I don't really care. Other than the hong baos. HAHA. You know, we chinese are quite a disgusting race. Other races like Malays or Indians will specially go to the tailor or buy their traditional costumes to wear on their festival. But we? What is cheong sam? We all wear ang moh clothings and think we are so hip. Ok what the fuck am I talking about, since Im a potato. But hey, I do love CNY ok. Hong baos what. Oops. I am missing the point.

Is it me? Or is it that time is moving very fast? I mean I'm still suffering from pineapple tarts hangover from last year. I seem not to have interest in them now. Or any cny goodies for that matter. But please do give me one whole abalone on the reunion dinner :D I like that a lot.

I think I can't really sleep now. I keep thinking about tmr. And how much I really don't wanna go to school. =(

I mean, we all have days when we don't wanna go to school right?

Its ok not to go school for one day right?

Please empathise with me when I say I have to drag myself out of bed at 6am every school morning and feel like a dead cat.

Happy CNY in advance!! Wear Cheong sams!

Ending: Empty vessels make the most noise.

2007-01-28T22:08:00.000+08:00

I miss my life,

exactly one year ago,

from now.

An Eye Opener

2007-01-14T13:27:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, was the day Eric Clapton came down to perform at the Indoor Stadium. He is a legend, so I figured it was better to catch him "Live" before he says his goodbye to this world for good. Not that I want him to say goodbye anytime soon.

Well.. the concert started late. It was supposed to start at 8pm, but it started at 830pm and when he came on, I heard there were no special effects or what not. Just darkness and some cheering and he's at his guitar and on stage with his band.

He played a lot of his older songs. All of them with great solos which were fantastic and his guitar cries to you so much you could feel that painful feeling in your heart. The crowd was quite disappointing though. Made up of mostly caucasians, I was expecting them to be rowdier and more spontaneous. They only stood up towards the last 15 minutes of the concert, after Clapton played "Wonderful Tonight". So I was at my cheapo seats upstairs, and not a lot of people were rocking to his oh-my-god solos and songs. So what the heck, me and some other old foggies still shake a lot in our seats and had not such a bad time.

Later on I went down to the middle and stood behind. It was a lower view so I could so called see him more clearly. Quite a number of people stood there too. Because we could move our whole body to his guitar tunes at last! We were free and we were having such a smashing time. He played a crazy version of "Layla". Which was so rock I almost couldnt recognise it! But of cos when you hear the lyrics which goes "Layla, got me on my knees layla", you know what is hitting you. Haha.

He didnt play "Tears in Heaven" though. I could almost sense the disappointment in the air for that. But I think I remember reading somewhere that he will not play that song "live" again. As you know that song means a lot to him. And playing it so many times may just make the song meaningless. And Im sure he doesn't want that to happen to his very initimate and personal song.

Clapton looks old on screen at the stadium. Grey hair. Untucked collared shirt and dark blue jeans with brown shoes. He was a picture of ease and someone who looked as if he knew what he was doing. But has the essence of performing gone cold on him? Maybe its the crowd's fault. Or maybe he has too much experience. He doesn't seem to be... crazy. Maybe its the exact syndrome that Kurt Cobain was talking about in his suicide note. About how when he goes on stage and hears the "manic roar of the crowd", it doesn't get to him after a while. And he hates to pretend to his fans that hearing the "manic roar" makes him feel high and excited anymore. But at the very least, Clapton was lost in music heaven when he touched his guitar. When the camera zoomed in onto his face, he was in another world. He face showed emotions as if he was playing out his feelings and emotions in him into his guitar and sharing its pain and joy with us all. It was fantastic that feeling. At some point, I wanted to clutch my heart.

I read in today's Sunday's Time and let's not talk about the lousy reporting done by that reporter. It was said that Clapton refused to do any interviews at all in his stay at Singapore. It's a about pissing because he thinks we're not worthy of his time? Being such a small country and all? And because we're so far from USA? Or is it because at his age, he can't be bothered anymore? Whatever it is, it is disappointing. Just like his concert. Musically, it was great. But the atmosphere he created was cold. He didnt talk much to the crowd. And there was no connection. That is why in this entry I have chosen to use the word "Clapton" instead of "Eric". Because he wanted to be distant, and he got it. We got your vibes Mr Clapton. It was both wonderful and cold tonight.

Also, sitting at the top, I could get an aerial view of the whole place. So it was like big stage, big audience surrounding him. Then you get to realise that he's just a man. Shaped just like anyone of us. He's so small compared to the vastness surrounding him. And you wonder what the fuss is all about until you hear the music. Haha.

Music, is far bigger than anyone of us. It radiated with an explosive force from Eric Clapton and that, is indeed a unforgetable sight to behold. Especially its the first time I've seen a person who breathes Rock in his body through and through. It was magnificent.

Thank you for the somewhat memorable first rock experience Eric Clapton. I'm glad it was you.

Come back again in 3 days when you will see more exclamation marks from me. ;)

2006-12-21T22:24:00.000+08:00

We are both here right now,
yet you are not here.

I don't have to say
How much I yearn for you

Because these words
Are not enough to encapsulate
these unknown feelings
That flow in my blood

Will you stay with me
And not change?
Will we be together
till the end of time?

I really don't think
there's space for another one like you
My unintended.

We are both here right now,
but you are not here.

With me.

2006-12-17T22:57:00.000+08:00

Sundays... are best known for the relaxed manner that most people like best.

Relaxed... you know... Like, sitting around on the couch/ chair the whole day watching tv or surfing the net. Sleeping when you feel bored, eating when you feel bored. Or sitting at the toilet bowl for too long because you can afford to.

Well I hate that! Other than the toilet bowl part, but really it sucks. But hey I guess that is what most office workers get. Sitting on their backside for hours. Oh the inactivity is killing me by just thinking about it. Well I don't really have to think about it. I just did that today! I mean the sitting down.

I swear I can feel my behind growing bigger already.

Anyway, the one thing good about going to USA is that their hotels provide good bathing soap and shampoo! No kidding! My mother got lots of Neutrogena products from there. Haha. In fact I am a Neutrogena sponsored girl right now. I just bathed with all Neutrogena products from head to toe. It really smells good! :D

Its stupid you know. Today I am so bored I wished that I had stuff to study. So dumb. During the whole damn semester I never felt like that before.But then to think of it, studying sucks too. Cos you'll just be sitting down again. At least church goers get to go to church and walk about. Hmm even though most of the time they sit down too? Ok too much of sitting Singaporeans. We need to get about - M O V I N G.

And they should build indoor running track. With all the fake flora and fauna since they like man made things so much. Yeah yeah, solar energy too. All this in case it rains you know. Like today. It rained the whole bloody day! So amazing! So much water to rain.

And did u read Charlotte's Web? Well the movie is out. It's a good show. Don't miss it. :)

Well smell you later! hehe

2006-12-14T17:27:00.000+08:00

Fate.

This is fated.

We are fated.

By the hands of fate.

Is there such a thing?

IF there is such a thing as fate, and whichever religion you are from, it means that the guy up there has already written down things about you and me. And we are merely all playing out what HE has written out in his bed time story or His new hobby which has lasted more than a few thousand years for now. It's sickening don't you think? If someone up there has ALREADY chosen what we are going to do everyday, what good and lousy decisions we are going to make, isn't it so sad?

I watched The Truman Show recently. Truman is a guy how is on TV 24 hours a day. Except when he has sex (then everything gets blurred out), his life is captured "live" to a worldwide audience. And he dosen't know it. For 10,000 over days, which is close to 30 years, the TV channel boasted so proudly that they are bringing "The Truman Show" live. Everyone around the world sees him from a newborn, to his first step to the first baby tooth that dropped to him getting married. Everything. Everybody loves the show because Truman is real. He's a real human but he's locked up in this impressive and expansive studio with a whole big town and ocean around him. He is real, but everything around him is fake. HIS wife is a fake - an actress. HIS best friend since 7 years old is a fake. So is his neighbour, the passerby on the street, the newspaper vendor. They are all actors.

Everyone knows their role in this human created world. They all know who is Truman and that he cannot find out that he is "the star" of the show. A reality show, if you may, which is breaking all grounds of human rights, freedom of choice and expression and individuality and privacy. In The Truman Show, it breaks all of that.

Firstly you thank god that that's just a show. But a disturbing show at that. The world that his creator has created was so real. So faultless and impeccably planned out that it amazes you. At first you will be in awe of this creator but then you will get pissed with him. Who the hell is he to decide how Truman is to live his life?

To prevent Truman from living, oops I mean leaving, he made him afraid of the water. Most area of the gigantic studio is surrounded by water. He made it his fault of causing his dad's death which he will come to be haunted by in his adult years. That is like brainwashing. Instilling fear in someone.

So its disturbing to see this creator guy playing out The Truman Show as if he was playing chess. One wrong move and he is dead. He places people or obstructions at critical areas to prevent Truman from finding out what a joke he has been.

And what if we are like that too? We play The Sims and we enjoy controlling those people's lives. Some people may say The Sims is a girl's game, but even those so called guy's games also involve controlling life - you just kill people instead. Hey so let's face it. All of us like it if we have some control over certain things. What makes you think that the guy up there don't love it more than us? And when we are playing those stupid games, He is up there laughing at us.

Life is a great big question mark. We don't know what it has ahead of us. And for those people who are so certain that "I am going to be this and this. I am going to do THIS and that. I will become this and THAT.", you make me laugh. Even if we are really just merely chess pieces on our time on Earth, we shouldn't be that sad. Because it is always fun to know what He has chosen for us to do, to meet, to have. I guess it is how you make use of what he has decided for you to the fullest, how you fully appreciate the things you get and have now that will make life slightly better. At least we have a bigger world than Truman to explore.

Well I guess we have to thank him for giving us a big enough playground.

And it's true! The world IS stage and we are all merely actors.

2006-12-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

If your inner mind is a sanctum, why do you need diaries or blogs?

Well... precisely so! It's not a sanctum. Because if you keep everything in your head, you will go ka put. But sometimes when you write it down in your personal diary other people may chance upon it and you can kiss your personal space good bye.

Anyway MY holiday has started. Everyone's holiday is different now. We start at different dates, end at different dates. Haha. Does that make you special now?

Well so far so good. Though i miss a lot of things. Like the track, the running, my parents, charlene and apple and evon. Catch up with u guys soon! :)

And by the way. IM LOVING 2007 already! (other than the fact that i missed my module declarations but fuck that) Firstly, its a new semester! I can make amends for this recent joke of a sem. Its shitty man. I dunno what the heck I was doing. But I wanna change. I wanna work harder for my next semester because I know I can do it. AND i know all those who started uni too can do it too. No more making a fool out of ourselves.

Secondly! MUSE IS COMING. hahahahhhaa. That is the greatest news of all actually. But you know... Studies always come first. blah blah blah. But MUSE IS COMING! hahahahaha. It's the next best thing to NIRVANA IS COMING!!! (but that won't happen anyway) tra la la. And yes I've got the MOST expensive ticket to offer (haha!) and Matthew Bellamy and gang will be right in front of my eyes. And their guitars and performance will knock my socks off. okok.. i know i need to calm down now. MUSE IS COMING! and they serve beer. hahahahaha. charlene quek!!! hahahaha. Just imagine "My plug in baby... crucifies all my enemies...lalalala!!!!!!!!!!!" Oh man. what a great start 2007 will be. :) I hope i dun screw up my next semester modules.

Well. Thirdly, Eric Clapton is coming and Im going for that too. that will be with my family. I think everyone should go bcos Eric our friend is such a great legend and he's also quite old. I dunno when he will be coming back and whether he can come back or not. He even said it himself! that he's not as fast as he was last time. Im talking abt his guitar skills. Cant wait to listen to "Wonderful tonight". "you look wonderful tonight... " yes yes yes :)

And there's you too. :)

2006-11-23T13:12:00.000+08:00

I am poke slow

My pile is high study

I have going on much procrastination.

I know is near end

But I cannot motivation and strength find

This shit is.

I miss my parents.

2006-11-12T23:51:00.000+08:00

Damien Rice has a new album. It's called "9". And the reviewer branded him as "the new chocolate" for women. haha. I think that is quite apt and interesting. But its true, we'll get addicted to someone like him.

Fatigue

2006-10-31T23:30:00.000+08:00

Very very tired. My eye lids are going to fall down in no time.

Are all university students so exhausted? Everyone in EL tutorial seemed as if they could use with more (a lot more) sleep. I was stoning in class again. All I could was think about was a bed to collapse in.

And then I got home. I wanted to take an hour's nap. And guess what, during that one hour, so many people called me and smsed me! Haha. Quite exasperating!

Cant think or see straight now. Recently just did a presentation for PL3237, which is on Cognitive development Psychology. That module is hell I tell you. Wasn't really sure how to do all those brain stuff and during others presentation, I was wondering how many people in tutorial actually understand what the rest were saying. (Hmm, actually I think they should know more than me)

Anyway, in the introduction Psychology lecture today, the lecturer talked about some guy (yes, this is bad) who is a big shot in the field of psychology. And what I remember (or don't remember) about that guy was that he invented The 16PF! and if you recall what it is, it's something we did in JC. Some personality test.

So just now I went to dig it out. It's fun reading it again. And I saw that I got 9/10 for being Artisitc. WAH! So arty farty la.

And good job prospect includes: English Teacher (Hmmm..The English module is not very easy), Writer/ Editor (I love to write.. About things I feel for. haha. Not academic essays), Art Teacher (Not very good at drawing), Psychologist, Sociologist.

Those are just some of the jobs that they think I may be good at. But anyway, seeing that "Psychologist" thing made me smile. At least Im on the right track? (I hope)

Sociology... Hmm... I heard it has a lot of readings too.

Maybe I can try
- Theatre Studies
- Sociology
- Literature

next semester.

Some how thinking of Literature, I get an image of Razal, with her dangling earrings and all making a fuss out of nothing. Ok yes, I don't like the way she teach. Latimer... yes.. That's another different story. Utmost respect for her. She's great. I still have a picture of her I took with charlene and her on the wall of my room. Haha. But her classes were terrifying.

How To Disappear Completely.

2006-10-29T23:36:00.000+08:00

I wonder if I can disappear for a while. (Actually I know I can.)

You know, to just not be anyway, hp off, internet off, everything off and do whatever I want for a while. I cant stand uni! The work load doesnt end. Projects, tests, exams, presentations. I feel like just throwing everything down and do nothing - which is everything else other than studying or finding some fucking internet websites for info.

I think I have forgotten what it is to take it slow.

Do you still remember? :(

Today when I got home, my dad was like "Hey where u go? So long nv see u."

I think he felt what i felt. Missing him and my mother. sigh. Well they are going off on a cool holiday together. Happy for them. I dunno why, but I think Im going to miss them a lot!

Somemore today my mother made soup and called me ard 9pm to tell me that she left some soup for me to drink when i come home. Sigh. Im not gonna get that next week... :(

yeah i know.. big girl already. i should be able to take care of myself and my brother now. but parents are still parents. they're so important.

So... Anyway, like Muse's "Citizen Erased", maybe it's "Swee Erased". Sometimes not existing so much is good I think. But am I existing a lot? Not really. Maybe I should fall really sick and have a proper reason not to go anywhere.

My room's too messy to think right.

2006-10-29T00:07:00.000+08:00

In case any of you are wondering,

The party last night was great. Charlene Quek, thanks for the great party and thanks to lee lian and Faye and all those who planned the party last night. I think it exceeded all my expectations. hehe. See! A3 CAN actually do things properly and be fantastic at it! =P

So, I was very happy to see everyone yesterday!!! It felt so good to see everyone again. Cos we're all so comfortable to be with each other it felt like home! :)

Ok. Hello to earth now.

So......

This is getting boring. I think procrastination is being my good friend now. We werent so close back then. What happened eh?

You know, in Uni, the projects, the tests and the presentations nv seem to end. How sian. I wish it will. But I'll be having holiday in december!! but then again i'll have to go through November which is super scary... with the end of semester exams. *gulps* can i burn my notes into a big cup and drink it all up?

and it's weird. these few nights I've been getting the feeling that the witching hour seems to come faster and faster. And the night still seems so young! I have to fight with my internal body clock and my awake self to get myself to bed.

and all the booze has given me a sore throat. which is nothing much since i eat lozenges for sore throat everyday. but its a bit worse this morning. sigh. nothing much. i can live with tt.

2006-10-16T21:11:00.000+08:00

Hey hey, lovely weather today. So reminiscent of Cameron High and Genting and all those nice foggy places you have in the world. Haha. Who am I kidding?

Ok, I am here (again!) because I am not very happy. (Yeah, I know... this girl is always not happy about something... but bear with me here :D )

So its like that. I was at the MRT station today. As I got up the escalator, there was this girl, around my age, who was wearing a hot, blue, fucking short dress. She looked damn stylish. With white high heels and funky dyed long hair tied to one side and with her funky accessories and bag. She has a nice whitish kind of complexion. But then.... she was not exactly skinny like all those stick insects out there. And ya lah, I'm sorry her BMI is not below 17 or 16 or 15.

So as usual, our society is fucked up. As in really fucked up in the head and probably they grew up with a bullet inside their brain or up their ass or in their nostrils.. whichever one u prefer!

So, while I was admiring her nice sense of style and applauding her courage silently, EVERYONE ELSE was staring at her for the wrong reason. Yeah, I know what went on in their small brains. "So fat! still dare wear that super short dress!" or "Can see underwear or not? *stares*" OR "Wah lau eh. My eyes!! My eyes!!!"

Firstly, FUCK YOU ALL.

I don't know what tt lady did to make you stare at her like that. I don't know what is it with you guys who think that only stick insects can wear a super short dress and show off their thigh bone. Hey she looked great ok? Her nice skin colour makes a nice contrast to her dark blue dress. And look at the pairing of the white heels. Fantastic. At least she was wearing a dress her size, and not squeezing herself into a SMALL size dress. She doesnt look obscene.

And this mothefucker bunch of fucking teenagers were gawking at her and were trying to peek at her underwear.

It went like this,

"Her legs look like pig trotters."
"No lor, pig trotters look nicer than hers."

Fuck. I was rolling my eyes directly in front of them but too bad they were too busy peeking at the underwear. And guess what? they were wearing those stupid ah lian-ish and ah beng-ish clothes. Hey, at least she has style which you bunch of cow dung will never get.

Who ever said that bigger sized people cant look good? Just because of their size you expect them to wear ugly clothes so that you can call them "potato sacks"? and if they wear nice clothes you call them "fat?". Fucking society.

So, anyway, to that lady on the train. I think your sense of style is marvelous. Keep it up!!! And, I think you looked damn good. =)

2006-10-15T15:13:00.000+08:00

"M-i-s-s"

What does "miss" mean? What does it constitutes when you say "I miss you"?

What kind of feeling does it evoke? What kind of ache do you feel?

"Miss" means,
1) To feel the lack or loss of
2) To discover the lack or absence of

I'd say I think the 2nd explanation is better for me now. Cos "discover" is like sth you don't expect yourself to find.

And I didn't expect myself to feel this way now.

Missing someone is tiring. I am getting sick of missing people. Hey if you miss someone so much, we should just meet up. But its never as simple as that. I miss you everyday and night and you're in my head everytime I'm not doing something. But I am ultimately powerless to do anything.

Even as we try to sms each other about how much we miss each other, its not gonna do anything to help. I guess that's why the sms-es are getting lesser now. Because we have realised that its not useful at all. Even right now, you're still in my head. I wonder what you are doing. But there's no point in knowing what you are doing because you're not here next to me.

"Do you miss me?

Like I miss you?

If you miss me

Never go away

Hopefully you'll come to stay someday

If you're leaving,

Come back soon

That's not easy to say

I will wait here,

Dream of you

All alone as I ache."

- Foo Fighter's "How I Miss You"

Feelings... They can be overwhelming sometimes don't you think?

2006-10-13T00:10:00.000+08:00

How do I know if I'm doing it right?

Have I done everything that you always wanted me to be?

No?

No.

2006-10-10T17:54:00.000+08:00

"Light up, Light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you, dear"

- Snow Patrol's "Run"

Im alone at home now. I know what it means when they say silence is deafening. My ears hurt. Very very much.

Firstly i wanna say thank you to Ben for calling me after seeing my blog. You are such a great pal. Its so unfair that we arent in the same country. It will make a lot of difference to me. And the talk last night was depressing Ben. It made it even worse for me even though I am very happy to hear from you.

JJJ has called this blog "dystopic". Well.. ok. Its kinda true. It never rains but pours here. Sometimes it drizzles. But that's just sometimes.

Just now as i lay wide awake on my bed with all the covers pulled up, suddenly i felt that having 6 hours left to today seem so shocking. Suddenly i felt there's not enough time. To do what? I dunno. I just felt that its so short. Its not that I've not been doing some homework or what, its just like 6 hours... its too soon.

I think Im starting to feel too much for everything. I think if you were to reprimand me now or just say something bad to me in a harsh tone, I will break down in front of you.

Someone famous once said that he's too sensitive. He felt too much for everything on Earth. So he couldn't take it and killed himself. I think i understand what he means.

All this is just PMS i know. But sometimes even being down feels comfortable. I hate it when I become so aware of things. Because the true state of the world and of people is depressing.

I saw with horror Al Gore's book on environmental damage. And all I can say is you better learn how to swim if you can't. Or just wish that you will be dead when all that happens. OR you can just lock yourself up in your "heaven" and sleep on clouds all day after you die and pray that you don't get reincarnated or something. I'd rather just disintegrate after I die. I have enough of floating ar0und on Earth. Please spare me from it in the afterlife. IF there is after life.

Life is monotonous you know. You dunno? Well I'm telling you that right now. Its dreary. If you do what you are doing everyday and multiply it by forever.

You wanna break free from this? What about your parents? Your family? You're not going to care about them? You have the money to break free? Haha. Just put the chains back on and work you slave. We'll all make a chained melody. Never mind about unchained.

Recently every step I take seems to be so wrong.

I wish things are not like this.

Stop deluding yourself.

"Light up light up

As if you have a choice..."

Bowing Down to You

2006-10-05T17:39:00.000+08:00

How do u become a top grade student?

Basically you have to SELL YOUR SOUL.

To what? The devil?

Why OF COURSE! only thing is that you will be selling to the alternative form of the devil. which is S-C-H-O-O-L and B-O-O-K-S.

(fuck. now the other form of the devil seems so much more enticing)

Its not difficult. I'll just have to read my books all day, think about it all day, have no distractions, live like a recluse (in my own room) and install bigger eye bags. I can also delete all "FUN", "FREEDOM", "JOY and LAUGHTER" from my hard drive. I'll just have to be determined and get through this shit.

Im doing all this for the fucking paper ok? OK?!

It's ok. This is what everybody is living for now anyway, i can just join this faceless march with the monotonous soundtrack. There's no need to be different. Everyone is the same. All of us have small brains. So let that be it.

I'll submit to you and give you everything.

Gimme a "F" grade

2006-10-05T16:01:00.000+08:00

Hello. let's cut all the crap short and proceed to what's been killing me.

I hate South Asian Studies. Fuck. Look at the bloody course pack. Its like 235475672341 pages thick and there's 4 pages in one paper. How am i supposed to study all those history with so many long names and different cultures and religions now? It's insane. And all the crap that this module doesnt need prerequisites is crap. Don't get fallen into this trap.

It sounds nice u know. Feminism In South Asia. But bloody fuck, i cant do it. compressed in 2 paragrahps, there are soooooooooo many facts to be learnt. I cant wait to tear the fucking course pack and use it to wrap kacang puteh. maybe i can start selling it to the kacang puteh man. there you will have ur nuts, and knowledge of feminism all in one hand. how cool. make ur money worth. and do memorise those names bcos by the time u've finished eating, u'll go nuts.

i am very tired. very very tired.

The night, is STILL young.

2006-09-27T00:21:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, the state of the world depresses me. I know this sounds so drama-mama, but its not tt way tt im heading towards. Drama-mama induced people will go on and on about how life is not worth living and how they wish they can die right NOW. Well, i wish a lot of people will die right now too. But that sounds so evil and mean. Never mind. And if u've read "Sophie's World" before, they say we live in a world of opposites. Like if u've never felt sadness, u'll never feel happiness and all those philosophical stuff.

Anyway, "Sophie's World" is really a philosophy text book masking itself as a fictional book. Bloody hell. You know when u read wanna read a book to transport urself to somewhere fascinating and intriguing? "Sophie's World" doesnt really do tt. In the book, Sophie receives letter from this guy. and this guy tries to teach her philosophy and we get to read everything in the letters too. so its really like a text book. neh neh pok. But oh well. i havent finish the book. who knows it'll get more interesting.

And talking about books... "The Kite Runner" is a good book. So is "The Time Traveller's Wife". And if u give me more money, i'll go buy more books and tell u what else is nice.

ok! let's get on to school! (and why i wish some people are dead)

Its weird u know. In Uni, u see a lot of funny, scratch your head kind of people. You see all kinds of homo sapiens. Intelligent and smart (which only makes u feel STUPID n INFERIOR n UNDESERVING), popular and well dressed people (and u wonder where they get the money to buy those nice stuff) and of course the last category whereby u want them dead... which is those KIASU, UNFRIENDLY, COLD AND UNFEELING people.

ok omg. tt was exhasuting. typing those words. Ok i dun really blame them for being kiasu. maybe because i am too relaxed and slack compared to them so everybody else becomes kiasu. But cant they just be a bit nicer? and not so "Im sorry i have a group already." and even when they say their apologies they dun fucking mean it. stupid fuckers. i mean they obviously dun even feel sorry. sometimes i really hate this fucking school with this group of fucking assholes. People seriously dont give a fuck and for tt particular person.. i even gave my number so that that person can contact me. fuck. and that person gave me such a fucking late reply tt nth can be done now. cant u just sms me! bloody shit. and its sickening to see ur dead eyes in tutorial. looking so cold. and u want to major in that module.. HAHA.

i wish life was different. at times i am grateful to be in this bloody school. at times i hate it. but like they say. "the grass is always greener on the other side". so I'll never know. i just wanna get away from this shit and this stupid piece of paper that everyone is dying for and just be with the man i love, the people i love.

In "Sophie's World", Sophie realises with shock that she is learning unimportant things in school. Questions like "Who am I", "How did we get to come about" became more important to her. But if we engross ourselves with those kind of questions now, we will be deemed dreamy, unproductive, too self indulgent in our own thoughts. what the fuck is tt.

fuck uni man. I dun even give a damn abt all the courses that they are offering (which really sucks by the way). I rather go learn how to bake a drop dead (sorry abt the dead imagery tt keeps coming up) oh so fucking delicious chocolate cake which will flow warm chocolate when u cut it in the middle and earn buckets full of money. I'll rather be working in Chin Mei Chin Confectionary which is in East Coast and learn about old traditions and how to make the most delicious kaya n butter bun with perfect half boiled eggs and hot steamy coffee in an old cup. and i'd play old 60's chinese music on my ancient radio and make time slow down. and i'd apprecaite how the older generations passed all the old traditions down and i'll be able to speak in dialect. and not be such a shit who cant even speak teochew properly. It so sad. Dialects are going to disappear sooner or later.

I've read this Sunday Times article whereby this reporter was at first sad to let go of old things. but her conclusion at the end was tt its good to let old things go. Do you think that way? do people who appreciate what was in the past think too much abt what had happened? instead of living in the present? I am afraid that at the rate we are all going, we will all lose our roots and embrace "MODERNITY" too fast and too tightly. Its like, hey i wanna build a sparkling, shiny sky scraper. Let's tear this old historical building down because all those people who made this building special are all dead. Its scary. Does mdernity equates to new TALL glass buildings? Like the new national library? People say its nice. i think its shit. Where is the beautiful red bricks and comfy feeling that the old library used to give? where is that special aura that many things happened here? its all gone. and what's left is the cold, shiny surface of glass which ironically feels so empty inspite of its majestic height and countless floors and rooms.

i wish a lot of things are not like what it is today. Like how food comes from something natural and healthy, not resembling some chemistry experiment lists of ingredients in today's food. No processed food, no trans fat. Only good hearty meals which include food that are freshly made. Bread and milk that comes fresh from the oven and from the animals daily. no preservatives. and how we can all grow vegetables and fruits in our own garden. I wish, i wish, i wish. When you wish too much, it becomes wistful thinking. you know how it is. when it is wistful, it gets soft, whispery and it lures u to sleep.

and tomorrow is always a new day.

2006-09-07T22:43:00.000+08:00

0709

4D numbers. quick go buy. okok tts just today's date. haha.

School's started for 1 month already! Im not excited abt sch still. i dislike going to sch. its tiring to make friends with new people. and i dun understand what's the fuss abt this particular Uni when some lecturers read from lecture notes too. but the library is good. well. at least tt's a consolation. and i kinda like the stairs. but not on a hot day. at least its some exercise baby!

Exercise. Yes. well, i got SJ's number now! hehe! I got an sms from her today. very happy. even though it was to tell me she's not going for class. at least its still an sms from her. =D Went ice skating recently too. and boy, once u know how to rollerblade, ice skating becomes so much easier. and its embarrassing to say, but i can ice skate better than i roller blade! haha. Been going for a lot of rollerblading too. I can brake now! its fucking impt to learn how to brake. failing which u will 1) knock into ppl 2) roll down haplessly down a slope and crash (ouch!) 3) have scratches on ur butt. Still learning how to turn nicely. but slowly i guess. its still a long time before i'll be able to do a pointe in rollerblades! i know someone can. haha.

Still running here and there sometimes. and yes! i love running with you too, Evon! Its always so much fun. And the after running activities are usually great too. haha. and IM STILL LOOKING FOR PEOPLE TO GOING RUNNING WITH!!!! If you are available, bored and can crawl, I WANT YOU! speed doesnt matter. I just like to run. Don't worry too much abt technique, correct foot coordination, or breathing methods. like what Runner's World said, "Once I put on my running shoes, I am a runner." Come on! Don't need to think so much. =)

And CHARLENE TAN. im still waiting for ur green light to go for our weekly swim! im becoming like Silas already.

Well other than tt, everything's still the same.

2006-08-11T00:06:00.000+08:00

For a change in a looong loooooooong while, i can FINALLY say that im not sad, not pissed, not angry today!

Thank you:

* Dearest, sweetest Charlene, who feels like my other half already.

* My special, out of the blue, Mr Sani who never ever ever fails to make me smile.

* Greatest childhood and lifetime pal, Evon, whom i know will always be a part of my life.

I love you all. i really do.

*SUPER BIG HUG!!

=)

2006-08-05T23:39:00.000+08:00

So damn, damn tired.

So damn, damn old.

So damn, damn thirsty.

So damn, damn hungry.

So damn, damn empty.

Damn fucking dislike crowded places.

Damn fucking dislike people who hog the whole walking pavement.

Damn stupid idiots who talk so fucking loud on trains.

Damn stupid shit heads who talk so freaking loudly on their handphones.

Damn bloody kids who make so much noise on the train and parents don't fucking care. (pardon me if i kick them to discipline them for u)

Damn fucking uncle who should have let the auntie sit down instead.

Crowds during the weekends = headaches/ pissed off mood

O week has started. No, its not damn fucking O week has started. just O Week has started. The leaders there are quite nice. friendly and all. but i get fucking disturbed. by how, at their age, they are still acting like pri/ sec sch kids and treating us, at our age, like babies. fuck. we're adults (soon for the girls), cant we have a nice camp without resorting to screaming senselessly and playing no brainer games?

i sit there and look at them and wonder how is it possible to admire them and to think that they are cool in the future. acting stupid is fun for a while. but it doesnt have to be like for 6 days right?

sigh. i think i am getting old, tired, lethargic, heavy and weary inside me. forgive me, but i am no longer that light hearted child that skipped down the streets anymore. I dont see the need to go back to being that child. I prefer feeling older. though feeling older always involves feeling tired, shitty and brain dead. at least i'll be less ignorant and naive.

i am tired of senseless screaming.

oh yes i forgot to add, i also strongly dislike people who don't know when to let go and insistently keep on checking on my life. fuck. u have no fucking right. just go away. I count that as intruding on my privacy. fuck off already.

2006-08-02T21:28:00.000+08:00

I hate this week.

Ok, no. let me start again.

This week hasnt been very enjoyable. It is always not nice when you have to drag yourself out of bed early in the morning to go to school or some previous engagement that u cannot break. Especially so when it is a rainy, cool, grey morning. i just want to lie in bed and rot. But a zillion times this week, i had to force myself to wake up. Such horrible fucking piece of shit.

Also, this week of late, i have been doing things not on my free will, but because some booklet said that i must do this and that and must be here and there at this and that timing. it is fucking irritating. especially so when you were leading a FREE and easy life whereby what u did was based on whether YOU wanna do it or not. This really sucks. and i guess that is how the next few years will be like.

And i am missing everybody out there. I realised i cant hang out with ppl who matter so so so much to me as much anymore. This will really go out to Charlene Tan because we kinda did everything together and spent most of our free time together. And we're going separate ways. doing different things, meeting different people and experiencing totally different life.

I always think this is the last week for everything. last week i am going to sit around the house shaking my leg and doing nth. last week i am going to spend quality time with ppl who mattered. but no. "Last week" was actually last week. it has had gone by. and tell me, doesnt that sucks? Last week was the last time i followed no stupid list of "to-attend-functions". Last week was when i just went wherever i wanted. But as of this week, that has ceased to exist anymore. i am so fucking sad. i fucking hate sch. i wanna burn the fucking time table and all those endless bidding which i have no fucking idea how to do and no fucking idea why they wanna trouble us with.

but it is funny. bcos part of me wants to go to school to meet ppl. to make new friends, to create a new chapter in my life, to learn more. but part of me hates it and feel so tired and crappy.

so as of now, i am sitting on a very wobbly fence, shaking in the wind. maybe... i just need a gentle push (kick?) to enter the new side of the fence.

that said, i still hate this fucking week.

2006-07-24T23:03:00.000+08:00

Hello! No Monday blues today for me. Its really very good. :)

Though of cos there are some things that are not so great and im starting to get slightly irritated but nvm, one of my talents is to ignore it. i mean if thats the way things have to be, then let it be. i've tried doing my part. have you? or maybe there's other things in ur mind. so yeah. im letting u be. i cant and won't do anything to change you.

So YES. Good mondays are hard to come by. Today the "Housewife" talked to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *screams loudly. hehehehehehe. We talked quite a lot. She asked if i was a local. neh neh pok. i thought only china tourists like to ask me if im "zhong guo ren". Didnt think that locals thought im not from Singapore too! well she thought i was from Cambodia or sth like that. With the dark skin. Well, since its from her, i shall take it as a compliment! hahaha.

and i realised in class, Dino is starting to ignore me. i got a bit upset with that and i was sulking a bit. He tends to let me do my own stuff. which is good and not good. bcos it means that i must have a lot of discipline and self motivation (well "Housewife" is enough actually. haha!) to do everything. and the short petite strong stomach muscles lady did stretching with me today! haha! she taught me how to stretch properly. Charlene, im gonna kiss the floor soon. haha. nah. just wistful thinking. and its also my first time talking to her too! she's so cute! hehe! evening class has so many more ppl. and the ppl are all so friendly. well bcos they smile i guess. good good. i like ppl who smile. :)

oh gosh. the housewife lady really made my day.

then met up with my bestest friend Evon at yck to take train home. we went our own hangouts. it felt so much like primary school. all over again. it was very very very very nice. i really miss times like that with her. and my pal, rmb to relax whenever u can. Don't be too hard on yourself. :)

i got a little song for u. (well actually the lyrics only.)

Whitney Houston's "I Say A Little Prayer For You"

The moment i wake up,
Before i put on my make up
I say a little prayer for you.
While combing my hair now,
And wondering what dress to wear now
I say a little prayer for you.

Forever, forever you'll stay in my heart
And I will love you
Forever and ever we never will part
Oh, how i love you
Together, together that's how it must be
To live without you
Would only mean heartache for me

I run for the bus now dear
While riding i think of us dear
I say a little prayer for you.
At work i just take time
and all through my coffee break time
I say a little prayer for you.

---------------------------------------------

Meanwhile my bestest friend, fuck all those assholes. they are going to rot in hell. *wink

2006-07-20T01:20:00.000+08:00

Good early morning Dearest people who should be reading this blog and those who shouldnt be poking their noses here.

Today im on the topic of "The Things That Should Never Be Attempted"

2) Do NOT try to imitate the way Clay Aiken sing or perform.
1) NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER ever try and sing ANY Daniel Bedingfield's songs unless you're really Daniel Bedingfield bcos NO ONE, (repeating: NO ONE) can sing with the same amt of emotion and sincerity like him in his songs.

Today Jay Lim tried to sing "If You're Not The One".

Scene: Living room with sofa and television set. Lights turned down. Only sound coming from TV

Gurmit: (Usual Host- like voice)... ... with "If You're Not The One".

Swee: (Alarm bells going ringing in head. Panic. Screams!) WHAT THE FUCK! ARRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!

Song being massacred... ...

Swee: (Sits in silence. Eyes wide open with horror. Breaks out in sweat. Pulls hair and screams silently every 3 seconds. Screams aloud every 10 seconds.)

Meanwhile...

Scene: UK. In a nice tea shop for breakfast. with all those English cups and plates and such.

Daniel Bedingfield: (Eyes twitch. Stomach groans. Acute headache) Hey Matt. Someone is singing one of my songs again. Seriously unless its you, i don't think ANYONE should try to sing my song! Good lord!! ARRGGGHH!

Back in Singapore... ...

Clay Aiken AND Daniel Bedingfield wannabe singer: (looks as if he's asking to get laid while singing) "... ... whether it's right or wrong, and though i can't be with you tonight, you know my heart is by your side"

Swee: (Jumps off sofa. Breaking National High Jump record in the process. shouts in the middle of the night.) YOU STUPID FUCKER!!!!!!!!!! ARRGGGGGGGGHHHH!!! ARRGGGHH!!! IT'S "whether it's WRONG or RIGHT!!"

Clay Aiken AND Daniel Bedingfield wannabe singer: (gives a second of sheepish and "OOPS" look. Continues and smiles to let people know he's smooth and that they are all idiots)

Song died and cremated and ashes thrown into a black hole.

In UK... ...

Daniel Bedingfield: (Headache stops.) Ahhhhhhhhhh............ Its ok now. (Brings Earl Grey Tea to lips) And as i was saying Matt... ...

-The End-

Seriously what else is there to say when you've stepped wrongly on both foot?!

"If You're Not The One"??!

Swee: (Faints all over again)

*Note: Matt as in Matthew Bellamy from Muse.*

2006-07-17T22:45:00.000+08:00

Oh god, oh god, oh god.

Its so damn bloody HOT!!! Hey its like 10.42pm now. Its supposed to be cooling and nice. Not so hot that i have to adjust my fan's speed to number 2! Bloody hell do i have to on the air con tonight??! I don't like air con!!

Today was a great day! (well. almost. sigh) Met CHARLENE TAN S. E. (trying to be secretive yeah? haha) for lunchie and also went to inspect food and check their quality. haha. that's our usual job. and yes, we finished the pepper at lunch today! HAHA. so proud of the both of us. :) you really make me smile charlene. I almost died while u were gone. what kind of spell did u put on me! (i don't mind! i don't mind! =P)

So verdict from the gelato experts is, Venezia is highly overrated. Their "Mango", "Cookies and Cream", "Tiramisu" are all highly disappointing. AND their "Durian" is not as good too. Nobody is as good as FLV!!!! hahahahahhahahaa! yes im bloody loyal to them. Their gelato is really excellent and the bosses are great ppl.

And Gelare has sticky "Cookies and Cream" ice cream. But its not bad. A lot of cookies. But its different la. Ice cream what. Their waffles are very satisfying. Almost wanted to lick the plate.

Was quite pissed off with myself today. was fucking disappointed with myself but meeting Apple for dinner erased most of it.

Thank you Apple!

Thank you Charlene!!

Another one of my brainless post. =D

2006-07-16T21:46:00.000+08:00

Fuck No. 1 :

You're supposed to go running!

Fuck No. 2:

All those nuts!

Fuck No. 3:

Hello, hello! Back to Earth, baby?

Fuck No. 4:

All those beer.

Fuck No. 5:

The endless nights

Fuck No. 6:

-pistachios
-"ciggies"

Fuck No. 7:

Screwing up at my work place

Fuck No. 8:

Bottoms up!

2006-07-14T19:36:00.000+08:00

She led a clean life.
She was contented and didn't need anything else.
Something was offered to her.
She just dabbled in it for fun.
Then she got hooked.
But it was a manageable kind of hook.
She wasn't addicted and so
She continued with it.

It gave her much fun and joy.
It made her feel silly at times
But it was a kind of giggly high feeling
that was of no harm.

Sure, at times she got into trouble
But it was not of a problem to her
Because her world was finally
Sunny and bright,
Filled with pretty flowers and colours.

One day there was no more.
And she went on with life,
thinking it will be fine.

But then it started to hurt.
Desolation was the word.
And she couldn't believe the
withdrawal symptoms.

Then she crawled into her bed,
with eyes tightly shut.
And it was the same kind of dark.
Psst, i think she wants back her drug.

2006-07-12T08:22:00.000+08:00

"Are you excited about school?" asked the ADULT who peered down to look at Swee.

The ADULT held a steady gaze on her, willing her to go on and get all diddly doodly happy about the impending school terms so that he could smile at her eager anticipation.

However, what the ADULT didn't know (not surprising, since they don't know anything in the first place) was that he was talking to a young lady who felt neutral towards most things, unless talk included "Nirvana", "Muse", "Dino", food, running.

Resenting the nice goodwill of the question silently, she said, "Ok la."

You couldn't really blame her. ADULTS like to ask questions which they don't really care about. For example in Swee's case, the guy wanted to know if she's excited. But whether she said "yes" or "no", it wouldn't have made a difference in his life.

Ah! Epiphany! Maybe that's why I don't like to ask small stupid polite questions.

*politically correct smile* :)

2006-07-06T09:51:00.000+08:00

HEEELLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOO rainy Thursday morning!!

Firstly the weather of June had been pouring like nuts. Then it decided to pout and keep all the liquids to itself. And tadah! As of yesterday, it was like a fucking sauna.

How do I know that?

Because I am fucking HOT. (No, i don't deserve the pun. so go away)

I hate it when i have to wake up to daylight and then start perspiring. AT HOME! its crazy. And my home is supposed to be windy. But anyway, its raining now. more like drizzling. BUT then... its not really that good bcos i dun feel the coolness of the whole thing yet (you idiot, turn off the air con) and also, i think it makes the start of my day gloomy. It's days like these that you dont' walk straight, slouch into your sofa until your form becomes the same and then when you think of walking out of the house, your toes feel wet suddenly. Tsk. Not good.

Now, if i have a car, i can get my ass off this chair and then drive myself out to Dino. and i won't be dead bcos on the way there, i will turn on the volume for those great rock songs and everything will be alright. and i can eat my fucking pao.

They don't sell good pao ard my area. unless you count Crystal Jade, but seriously, its too cheap and its not good enough (who am i kiddin. haha. it's just not opened at this rainy hour).

I want a pao!! I want a pao! I want a pao!!

Never mind. meanwhile, since there's no pao at home, i shall eat nth. I have no mood for any other thing.

It sounds like this you know....

Gimme a P! (P!)
Gimme an A! (A!)
Gimme an O! (O!)
What do you NOT get?
PAO!

2006-07-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

You know, when i say "Muse" is a fucking great band, i really damn fucking mean it. hehe! anyway, their new album is out. "Black Holes And Other Revelations". Don't you hate Singapore for being so slow? For liking Simple Plan instead of genius bands like "Muse"? They're so damn mind blowing you dunno what to say after each song. (Usually you will say "WOW!!!!") No, Im fucking serious. This is good music.

Dear Muse,
Please come to Singapore and perform an out of the world concert! Please!! Come so that i can buy the most outrageously expensive first row seat to worship you.
Love,
YOUR SUPERMASSIVE FAN

Anyway, this is their NEW single. Its called "Super Massive Black Hole".

Its on repeat mode right now and my brother just came in to ask "You don't get sick of that song?!"

Haha! What a silly qns.

Look! Look at the review for the single. hehe

Muse - 'Supermassive Black Hole' (Saturday June 24, 2006 11:34 AM )
Released on 19/06/06 Label: Warners
Muse really are quite ridiculous. Clearly, this is not an issue that bothers them. If anything, judging by the band's forthcoming space-opera magnum opus "Black Holes And Other Revelations", Astronaut Bellamy and his three fellow galactic adventurers positively embrace such sonic lunacy. Recently delivered to your Yahoo! Music operative as a pair of headphones, with the album contained in the cans - wow indeed - the record is one of the most exhausting experiences you're likely to have whilst sat bedazzled and sweating at a computer screen in this or any other century."Supermassive Black Hole" is the first dispatch from outer Muse and sounds as much like a Britney Spears track as it does an art-rock band attempting to infuse some twisted tech-funk into their sound. As powerful, inventive and absurd as anything they have yet released in an increasingly impressive career, you'll be pleased to know this is a fine example of the earth-quaking delights about to hit with "Black Holes And Other Revelations". Given enough time, patience and live brain cells, it may well prove to be one of your albums of 2006.

--------------------------------------------

=)
(no, Nirvana is still No.1. But its just that Kurt Cobain is dead. So please excuse me for a while. hehe)

2006-07-02T20:45:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt, in your life, that someone you cherish a lot is drifting away? It's almost as if that person is on a raft made of tree logs, and the water currents are bringing your cherished one further and further from you.

Sometimes, we stand on shore, watching them disappear into the horizon. We watch, with a tinge of sadness and a feeling of why-must-it-end-like-this sinking heavily into us. But we don't do anything. We just watch. and sometimes, after a while, we feel like killing ourselves for doing that, but it is too late. and so we sigh... and then we get on with life, occasionally or once in a blue moon thinking about that special someone that has left.

However, we have the other scenerio, whereby the raft is getting away, and we try to pull it back, to bring it closer to us, once again. We get all sweaty, dirty and wet to bring it all back, pride notwithstanding. We might even use words like "You mean a lot to me", "I miss you", "I'm sorry" but its a risk. Because what we pull back may be just a stone, something cold and lifeless. But to even want to put ourselves through that risk, shows how much that person mean to us.

At the very least, we've tried.

2006-06-30T18:01:00.000+08:00

A week away really brings out funny feelings in me.

Ok, so it wasnt really ONE whole week. but 5 days. But its enough for me to miss my family, my friends. You know you never really expect that to happen. Especially when u think its time tt you can get away from everybody else. but no, you think about them while you're away. you long to hear their voices, you long to see them.

well, maybe i was just worried that sth bad will happen and dsetroy everything that they thought of me.

anyway, was going thru the past few days' Life section and i've come to a conclusion that footballers wives are all damn damn pretty! All of them are very good looking but i dunno what is it with their hair. all of them sport the same long hair look. and its all straight. well most of them anyway. and of cos with their spending power and everything, it makes it quite interesting to look at them. i wonder what it is like. u know like when u're younger, you dream of marrying a famous person. and when you are really with one, i wonder how that will feel. surreal maybe. i heard katie holmes used to adore tom cruise. and look where she is now. married to her idol! but of cos, tts not a very big deal compared with marrying the person you love the most and having that person feeling the exact same way towards you.

you know... like Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban.

have you seen the pictures? Nicole Kidman looks absolutely BEAUTIFUL. and not a lot of ppl on Earth are b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l mind you. pretty, sweet, good looking, cute, yes. but beautiful is sth rare. Nicole Kidman is really a picture of elegance and class. stylish lady too. i think its good she's not with Tom Cruise. He thinks he's such a famous actor and everybody likes him. Not to me at least. ok back to kidman.. I heard she cried all the way to the altar!! from the car to the church, to walking down the aisle.

Awwww....

And then when Keith Urban unveiled her, he gave her a long, passionate kiss!!! and they were both crying. and so were most ppl there.

AWWWW (x 1000000)

i know! i know! i sound as if i was there. but of cos. ha ha ha.

i like fairy tale wedding yeah? :) :) :) :) :) :)

Pssstt.. The new superman is super - man, no? hehe. what the heck. i mean he's soooooooooooo good looking!!! hehehe!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

I like to look at beautiful things. hehe.

why do i sound so stupid in this post? haha.

2006-06-24T23:29:00.000+08:00

Saturdays... I hate saturdays. or weekends for the matter. I think I tend to get TOO relax. as in anything also will do. and tts not good! like how u eat everything placed in front of u, or offered to u. it doesnt help at all. *shakes head.

oh well. its the damn durian season. what do you expect?!?! i think.. (THINK la) that im starting to get tired of durians. and yes, "tired" is different from "sick"... bcos if i am "sick" of durians, i dun feel like looking at it, dun feel like eating it. but for "tired", im like a bit sian, but if it appears in front of me, i'll still eat it! and like so called real life, when u are tired, u just need to rest a while and u can go back out in full force to "attack" whatever is in ur way. (i think i sound like some kind of food bull dozer... or vacuum cleaner. hur hur)

ANYWAY, moving on, last evening was good. at least got to meet up with charle, denise, mich teh and woo, APPLE and Arthur Kok. yes, not forgetting charlene tan. haha. but we're always together. hehe. :)

Everyone was late as usual. ok. i dunno. im just guessing. haha. but i know Charlene was not late. but i was late. and there were ppl later than me. hmmm. yeah. haha. but im one of the later ones. so yeah! sorry man. hehe. and damn it, Apple, even got there earlier than me. :P so we went to the "high class coffee shop" and had our grand-parents-would-have-approved dinner. it was not too bad. i like the green bean soup. even though it had coconut.

but of cos, the best part of the dinner was seeing everyone. Kok, that joker was late. and was on the phone saying "I'll be there in a snap. So get going N-O-W!" no fair la. after soooooo long, and OVER the phone, how could he do that to me?! haha. well after "a snap", he wasnt even there. had to send an sms to him telling him that we are already expecting his arrival. haha. and the man came all dressed from work in a yellow shirt, hong kong cut hair and his specs. haha. he carried a brief case too! so we all settled down and chat here and there. Apple shared a lot about his army experiences and his episode whereby he suffered from heat exhaustion. well, time passed too fast and stomach space got filled too soon. so we left and they all went to cine. but bcos i wanted to be home earlier for once, i left them instead.

everyone looked great. and i really hope more ppl will go for the gathering next time. (Grace!! Andrea!!)

2006-06-19T23:50:00.000+08:00

so charlene didnt come and pay me a visit today. haha. ok nah, tt's not the point.

well, even though i was working alone today, and at some point, time seemed to be coming to a halt, its not tt bad. hahaha. who am i kidding. it sucks like fuck. i think today must be one of those rare days when i replied immediately to sms-es.

the wedding dinner at hyatt was ok. before tt, went out with charlene to grab some grub. i had strawberry and blueberry waffle! 2 in 1! haha. thanks to the lady's mistake. then we went to the japanese supermarket and be cheapo, seeking out the samples. well.. could have hunt for more but char has to go to her jazz. :)

saw her fellow dancers today. they look like nice friendly ppl, though i think we are quite different. somehow, while watching them, i think char has the best dancing posture out of them all. charlene, u looked so graceful!

well, no fruit cake at wedding. no yam paste too. but there's one cute guy. haha. the wedding dress was beautiful. the chocolate was fantastic. hey. even the white chocolate piece was good. and i dun really like white chocolate.

read "Runners' World" today. its good la. haha. dunno why rodin says its lousy. and bro got a bit high from the red wine. quite funny to see him act tt way.

2006-06-17T23:45:00.000+08:00

ok, tag board is a bit screwed. what the hell, its not even there. but nvm.

So today was another day at watten. woah. long time since the beginning. when me n char first went for interview. haha. i still rmbed everything. from where we sat and how Mrs Tan sat us down to explain the works.

So today boss started to give me one of his life talks even before he left for his makan and such. Today he touched on how we should always dream big. dream far. at least when u fall, u wun be still stuck in the same old shit. well i guess that made a lot of sense. and he kept on saying, ok, i should not make u think too much. very tempted to roll eyes at him, but i love my boss too much to do tt. Mr and Mrs Tan are 2 great ppl. He also talked abt how everything happens for a reason. (ok i know tt) and sometimes, you cant blame ppl for the way they act. like how rock stars take drugs, or even soccer stars. bcos they cant cope with the sudden pressure. he talked abt responsiblity too. and how ppl like to employ ppl who have commitments. bcos they wont anyhow change jobs. bcos behind them, they have a family to feed, their car loans to pay, their housing loans, their credit card bills, their insurance, their children's education. sudden it made me feel like not owning anything at all.

business was weird today. it all came aft we packed up. but we were happy to serve them. hey its business aft all. and the car park system thing is fucked. mr tan was complaining abt how ppl can be so selfish. couldnt agree more.

anyway, also realised tt i like old things a lot. guess its in me. old ah ma stuff. old vintage cars. im crazy. i wanna get those old lau pok cars. and them polish them and make them sparkle like brand new. so what u own a brand new fucking modern car. go chase aft the nv ending new models. i will be happy with an old baby with a history behind it. hey. maybe i'll paint it red. and call it "Betty" or sth. It's either old cars, or scrambler now. after Nizal showed me "Snow White", i've fallen in love with the gorgeous dirt bike. I wanna learn bike. maybe aft uni starts. well. my parents will kill me. but sometimes they dun have to know every other stuff aft me. but what the heck. there's always the diary for them to chance upon. hur hur.

charlene was telling me we're gonna have a class dinner this friday. hopefully? its been a long time. maybe for me esp. haven seen my dear JC friends since forever. the laughter, the NOISE, the endless chattering. hey, its 04A3. we're a hopeless bunch together, but it got us far.

and pls, dun abuse the words "I Miss You" any longer. when you have no intention to set a freaking date with the person u said it to, it doesnt mean a damn thing.

2006-05-28T10:04:00.000+08:00

i have a new favourite joke recently. and i thought its great that even charlene tan can laugh to it. you'd probably have read it if u have the latest reader's digest.

On a sign outside a church in Manila,
"Please do not leave your belongings unattended,
people may think that their prayers are being answered."

*smirks smirks.

2006-05-06T23:00:00.000+08:00

oh wow. hello. i wanted to say im back. but im not really back. im just dropping by bcos i happen to be fucking bored. (oops charlene. haha)

so yeah, dear readers of this blog, what are u doing here? maybe u are just wondering how i am doing or maybe u think u care abt me and want to know more. but whatever. some ppl shouldnt really stick ard for too long. like u know, holding on too tightly to a past tt was nv meant to be. u know who u are. (im not talking abt u evon. u always used to think i am talking abt u, but im not my bestest pal)

how's ur future looking like people? i realise tt im talking to myself to the big wide world outside. well i cant help it. haha. so much changes coming up ahead. are u guys looking forward to it? i like this period where i get to do nth. no sch (though sometimes i do think abt sch), no hw (i think i miss doing econs. hahaha), no other crappy sch shit. and i get to play everyday! (ok maybe im playing too much right now) working is not tt bad. meeting ppl from all walks of life, making new friends, from the old man, old auntie to young chaps who likes to collect phone numbers and pretty pretty hot girl colleagues. haha. the pretty pretty hot girl colleague thing can get quite exciting. haha. im feeling shy now. and no im not les. but its up to u. u can think whatever u want. :)

so yes. a lot of people dun believe me when i tell them sth. it actually hurts u know. when they ask me for my opinion or thoughts on somebody, and if i say sth nice like tt person is hip and spunky, the other person asking will say things like ok so in other words she is ugly? like what the fucking fuck! u ask me for my bloody thoughts and i told u la. im sick of ppl who think i am so fucking godamn nice and like to lick ur fucking ass. lying is not my forte (im sorry if tt disappoints u) and so just listen to me once and believe me.

and yeah. have u read "the little prince" before? u should. bcos like what the book says, adults are weird. plenty of adults are voting the opposition bcos they wanna be rebellious. like hey look, i still have attitude ok? dun think im old and i cant act like a stupid young teenager. ok ok. whatever. up to u. throw it all away dear adults.

ok right now, im just sitting around and waiting for things to happen. and my bed is currently fucking messy. just looking at it gives me headache.

yeah

NOTICE BOARD

Girl looking for a friend. Who,

Loves to be neat.

Loves other ppl to be neat.

Loves to help other ppl to be neat.

Ai yah, just help me pack my bed :)

stupid weather.

2006-03-11T23:16:00.000+08:00

Do you know,

It is much much fucking much more braver to LIVE than to die?

2006-02-22T17:22:00.000+08:00

shhh.
im collecting the sound of silence
i wrap it around me,
hoping for comfort and warmth

with a small light touch,
rapid explosive noise goes off in my head
and it covers me entirely
making a (temporary) barrier against everything else

don't come back to me
i do not want to see you
i don't need your memories
your promises.

take all these light- headed heaviness
along with you
i don't understand why you are here
and why you are not going away.

oh,
i need an easy friend.
i do.

2006-02-07T23:48:00.000+08:00

hello, i got this fabulous haiku from the link way to esplanade. they were showing off some display in the glass windows there. It's great. but they've since changed it.

People make you nervous

You think the world is ending

And everybody's features

Have somehow started blending

yeah nvm, no one cares abt anything anymore.

2006-01-31T22:15:00.000+08:00

GONG XI FA CAI everybody!
Happy Woof Woof year! haha. yes tt is so lame. and i do speak chinese ok. haha. most ppl seem to get shocked when i wish them GONG XI FA CAI!! yeah. GONG XI FA CAI again! :P

anyway, to

apple: of cos i LOVE the present. u know what happened when i got it what. hahaha. so embarrassing. :X

ben: i got a job ok? haha. dun think u're the only person with a job now :P and when is the next time "when u see me"? lol

drea: HELLO! GONG XI FA CAI! thanks girl. miss u! long time no see! how have u been doing?

von: no la... where got tough. haha. stare at ice cream the whole day. and im not married yet. :P no hong bao for u. hehe. where's ur mother's pineapple tarts!!!!

charle: THANK YOU SO MUCH! hahaha. muffinsss...... (think of homer simpson salivating image) =)

idz: hey hey girl! they won! yeah!!!! and they're playing with liverpool in the next FA cup game. too bad for liverpool huh? they have to endure being beaten by man utd twice in a roll. :P

ok now tt it's done, just wanna say tt im a pineapple tart expert now. haha. this is soooo horrible, i've been to everyone's house and tried all their pineapple tarts regardless of how appetising they look. my motto is : must try what! but i must say i still like those pineapple tarts which are covered and have soft pastry tt will melt in ur mouth. yum! haha. but i know some ppl like charlene tan likes hard hard pastry. hehe. but anyway, taka was selling cheese pineapple tarts. im not very crazy abt cheese, but i;ll say it's still good.

chinese new year is really a fantastic festival. i know a lot of kids nowadays (im saying kids becos i am old now. 19!!! in the past when i was 14, i used to think 18, 19 years old ppl very old. sigh) dun appreciate chinese new year anymore. tt is really very sad. and did i tell u american culture is really the worst of any culture in the world? american life is so sickening. fast food everyday! and they promote spending beyond ur means and i-dont-give-a-heck-if-ur-farmers-die globalisation AND i-like-to-fuck-everyday sex. anyway u get my hint. the damn list is long. so, being in hur hur modern day singapore where kids are influence by the west, many kids think cny is redundant.

sigh. seriously, it's not. it's the time of the year when u really clean ur house and when u do it with ur family members, u can plan this and tt and where to put the decorations etc. you basically get to spend time together. and u also get to see ur relatives... even those u haven seen in a long while and catch up with each other. and when relatives and families all gather together, the atmosphere is always so nice and happy... aunts and uncles exchanging stories and jokes and the young ppl mixing ard. and of cos we have the usual gambling. even though i dun encourage gambling, but it;s really fun to play with ur relatives. even if the stakes are like fifty cents or one dollar. but really, it;s a good tradition tt should never be forgotten.

i was just thinking to myself when my dad was driving us to pay another visit to another relative tt cny in the future will be much more quiet. in the past we had HUGE families. a family could have 10 kids or more. and during cny, there;s a lot of visiting to do. however, we only have 1 or 2 kids in each family, there;s really not much ppl to visit anymore. yes, maybe ur friends, but then again, hmmmm ?? they are still not part of ur family tree. and look, ppl in the future will not place so much importance in traditional festivals anymore. but i have no idea why ppl like christmas, even if they are not christians or anything. oh. it must be the bright lights, presents, christmas music and how can i forget? the influence from the west. oh "haha". kids like western festivals more than their traditional ones now. hur hur hur. the west is king! the west is in my bloodstream!

ok what cock am i talking here. i like western music. shoot me shoot me! im contradicting myself. ok, maybe to redeem myself i should say tt some stuff from the west is good. but not everything. we dun have to blindly embrace everything tt the west throws at us. i like westerners' generosity.

anyway, what started this feeling for my own chinese roots must be Jet Li's latest film, "Fearless". hey i know it;s some cheena show. i myself would not have gone to watch it if not for the fact tt my family was watching it together. the surprising part abt the show? It's good. It's fucking good. better than those romantic comedies tt are killing everyone's brain across every cinemas nowadays and the delusion tt u'll get whatever man u fall in love with in the end. To watch the show "Fearless", is almost as if to immerse urself back into ur own roots again, to get a grasp of how you should be proud of being a chinese, and not call our mainland guo ren as cheena because we are all ultimately chinese ppl whose ancestors came from china in the past. the show teaches a lot of other lessons too. 5 out of 5 for me. because it made me proud to be a chinese again.

therefore, once again, GONG XI FA CAI! =)

go watch the supposedly last martial arts film Jet Li will ever make!

2006-01-14T12:32:00.000+08:00

When Love And Hate Collide.

Hmmm, im not talking abt the HIM song which has a similar title of "When Love and Death Embrace". But tt's a nice song anyway.

well what i really want to say tt i have a love-hate relationship with food! and it doesnt help tt most of the shops in shopping centres are mostly converted to food. and more food. sometimes i think the % of food to clothes etc is bigger. Turn a corner in the shooping centre and u sell signs screaming "Hong Kong Delicious Tim Sum", "Australia's Fish n Chips", "Triple Chocolate Brownies", "Cheese Pineapple Tarts" and the best thing is they cry out "MUST TRY!!!".

oh well. anyway i know im just finding excuses. haha. but seriously, many a times there's this urge to sample all of them at one go, but then i have to stop myself. why cant we have four stomach like those cows. ok now i think i like cows. they have four stomach and they dispense milk. and they like to eat greens. i love greens.

shopping centres are getting boring too. there are TOO many carbon copies. in other words, many shops are opening branches EVERYWHERE. for eg the shop "ebase". you see it almost in every shopping centre tt u stepped into. i was in marine parade shopping centre tt day and it was there. so was almost every other clothing shops. and there's TOPSHOP in marine parade too. nth is exclusive anymore. and recently charlene t was complaining abt globalisation. it's like last time u could only get those yummy never seen before chocolates in australia. but step into any good supermarket and u'll see it there. it's good in one sense. u get whatever u need right here in singapore! but then again, what's so special abt it now? nth. everything is everywhere. and sooner or later, we dun even have to leave the country to get whatever we want. heck, they'll build a portion of the Great Wall here soon. It's like England, England!

stupid shit.

here's a nice song to complement this post.

i like the version by Finch though.

--------------------

"Mad World"

All around me are familiar faces

Worn out places, worn out faces

Bright and early for their daily races

Going nowhere, going nowhere

And their tears are filling up their glasses

No expression, no expression

Hide my head i want to drown my sorrow

No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad

The dreams in which I'm dying

Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you

Cos I find it hard to take

When people run in circles

It's a very very

Mad World

Children waiting for the day they feel good

Happy birthday, happy birthday

Made to feel the way that every child should

Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous

No one knew me, no one knew me

Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson

Look right through me, look right through me

--------------------

M.I.A.

2006-01-06T23:35:00.000+08:00

the empty silence surrounded me.
it went round and round me today
coiling me up and leaving me
with nowhere to run.

the memories and emotions caught up:
seeping, soaking.
returning from my mental space,
but the spot is already empty.

it's almost like "28 days later"
whereby the guy wakes up from his coma,
only to find the life and people he used to know
gone. dead. disappeared.

i am sorry.

2006-01-06T21:17:00.000+08:00

i have a headache. but i need to get this out.

Blink 182 - I Miss You

Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
the shadow in the background of the morgue
the unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
we can live like Jack and Sally if we want
where you can always find me
we'll have Halloween on Christmas
and in the night we'll wish this never ends
we'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
this sick strange darkness
comes creeping on so haunting every time
and as I stared I counted
webs from all the spiders
catching things and eating their insides
like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
will you come home and stop this pain tonight
stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

--------------------------------------------------------

2006-01-02T23:59:00.000+08:00

happy new year dear friends! sorry for being a bit late but whatever.

so yes, was going home today on the train and apart from my heart feeling the pinch from the adult fare, my eyes was poured with acid with the so wondrous view of this guy digging his nose so intensely. i think he was trying very hard to finger the offending lump in his nose. then i guess he get bored or he was hungry. he started biting his nails. and he seemed to found sth delicious as he was sucking on it. gross i tell u. so freaking gross. and he was oblivious to the stares i was giving him. yes now i know ignorance is truly bliss. and he didnt end there. he went on the give himself a boogie facial as he used his fingers to touch his face. i have no idea for what and im not interested in it. yucks. ppl like tt really turn me off. and there was this couple on my right doing PDA. what is the world coming to?!

urgh.

2005-12-21T21:26:00.000+08:00

they say doom descends upon you, unexpectedly.
it's true.
they say haplessness can cause your insides to wrench, hopelessly.
it's true.

Long ride home mixed with baffling emotions,
confusing feelings and weird folk tales of
Living woman turning into stone,
Man meeting ghost of his living wife,
Two women facing up to their childhood fears
A.S. Byatt doesnt help much.

When a better world is shown,
Going back is never easy.
When troubles and nightmares are far away,
Coming back breaks my heart,
Because, the time has come again to

sink

into the same old ever embracing darkness.

the beautiful game

2005-12-08T11:44:00.000+08:00

hello, today is a sad day for all Manchester United fans. Well, they got kicked out of the champion league. I just know the press are going to have a field day criticising them.

Sometimes i dont really enjoy watching soccer matches. especially before any of the teams step onto the field. You'll see supporters for both teams cheering madly, waving their team logo and name proudly into the air. Or you see some supporters, pointing at their team shirts with eyes sparkling and with so much vigour. Then when it comes back to me sitting at home, i dun feel very happy. becos we all know tt in soccer matches, only one team will win and only one side of the supporters will leave the stadium happy and the other disappointed and sad. and so what does this shows? that maybe we should live life in moderation and not act toooooo optimistic. because you never know when you will fall back to earth again and for the bunch of away fans at the benfica home ground today, it must have hurt a lot. a lot.

to give a summary of the whole game, I feel sorry for Ruud Van Nistelrooy. Our RVN is a great player. but then watching him in recent games, it's as if our dear rvn has been led on to think tt he is a GREAT player who has the magical touch. With all the hype surrounding him, he himself has hyped up his own ability, thus thinking that he is untouchable. And it is a sad sight seeing him trying to chase after the ball after every passes just because he cant seem to get the ball or he likes going around in circles with the ball instead of doing something constructive. Looking at Rooney, fouled-mood and vulgar near the dying minutes of the game made it worse. Sometimes i wonder how many times he blames the inability of his fellow team mates for their lousy scores this season. Did Ferguson make a wrong choice in choosing Gary Neville as captain? I sure think he did. Yes, he's one of the most senior players. But look at his passes today, it was hardly accurate and i did not see any inspiration to push the team on at all, unless you count the last part where he patted RVN's back when they were walking back into the tunnel as something a captain will do. Like what Abu said, it was certainly a torture watching them lose. And the alarming thing is that the pain and anguish that comes with each game that they lose are gradually growing into a heavy hearted accceptance. like as if, oh, man utd lost again? well it's sth tt's expected. Something needs to be done to this once beautiful team.

Soccer is very much a game that showcases the emotions of human beings. from immense faith and belief and to a certain extent, self deception that your favourite team WILL win before the match from the supporters, to dividing into 2 parties, one jubilant and screamingly happy, the other one despondent and disappointed. from having the future of the club weighing onto each and every player when they stepped out of the tunnel, to joy at scoring the goals, to pain from being tackled, to desperation to feel the need to use play acting antics to waste your opponents time (benfica, im talking abt you), to anger and helplessness showing in the extra minutes of the game in the man utd players. it is certainly the beautiful game that has men all over the world enticed.

there are losers and winners in every game. many a times we only concentrate on the winners and we neglect the losers. yes some of you may think that because they are the losers, they dont deserve anything. but that is wrong. losers are just the same as the winners. they have feelings too and it's not a nice feeling losing. sometimes i dont understand why man kind likes to put themselves into competitive situations. it's highly engaging for the viewers and extremely satisfying for the winners. but is this all there is to life? because sometimes, life is not about winning or losing. there are so much more things to life, but in our capitalist world, sadly, i guess we will never see the other things that i myself have yet to fully realise too. all of us are just being sucked into this gigantic vacuum where we are becoming self centred, selfish and we neglect other ppl's emotions and where money rules the world. We are all just becoming cold hearted.

will there be an end to this?

2005-12-01T22:57:00.000+08:00

guess what? many a times, people tend to prefer to live in their own deluded world. where they see just what they wanna see, do what they wanna do. and they just block out things they dun like. a.k.a. running away from the truth and facts of life.

i dun get it. why the heck sometimes ppl like to ask "why?" and "why?" AND "why?". cant u just accept it? what's wrong with acceptance? is it not in ur dictionary? come on man. sometimes we need to make peace with ourselves. if you're not happy abt it, then dun just act like u wanna die. go do sth pls. stop being so soft.

the type of why is not like charlene tan's type of "why". curiosity is understandable but if i tell u sth, and u keep on asking me/ probing into the matter, it's not tolerable to me. if someone gives u ambiguous answers, there probably is a reason. and i hate it when ppl ask "why" in an accusing tone. like "oh.. you're ____ing this or that is it?". like it's my fault. then to pacify u i'll go, yeah yeah ok ok. it's my fault.

p.s. tt's just to shut ppl up.

just stop it. u may think u have the last laugh, but im the one with the upper hand. haha.

anyway, thanks to my friends for going roller blading with me today. i really had a fantastic time with u guys. yes capitalism bugs all of us. so what do we do now? accept it ? eradicate it? haha. and why must everything be in beef! so not fair. i'm still dejected over the deprivation of being able to enjoy the mushroom burger. argh. haha.

2005-11-25T17:14:00.000+08:00

Alcohol.

Certain people should not drink at all:

Women who are pregnant or trying to become pregnant
People who plan to drive or engage in other activities that require alertness and skill
People taking certain over-the-counter or prescription medications
People with medical conditions that can be made worse by drinking
Recovering alcoholics
People younger than age 21 (HMMMM? this is call age discrimination. )

2005-11-22T00:40:00.000+08:00

Wow, it's 8.30 in the morning, and the drizzle is falling ever so lightly and softly. It's really a very nice start. It almost feels as if it's snowing :)

you know there are a few different types of friends in life:

1) extremely loyal and will always be there for you friends
2) superficial hi-bye friends
3) friends whom you are only mingling with because of the same environment
4) backstabbers. (im already restraining from not using any expletives here)
5) people who constantly wallow in self pity and cry for attention.

So, don't blame me for my anti socialness. between 4 & 5, they're the worst kind of ppl around. but i guess no. 4 is still the worst.

but i must say sometimes friends like evon and charlene can really brighten up my day. This sounds so gay, but they're so cute!

well, i guess sometimes some sifting needs to be done to sort out the ones who have very bad nature in them.

and i will keep a distance from u.

and to THAT person from the previous post, i am tired of you. do whatever you want because in the end you will be the one without any friends. congratulations :)

2005-11-19T17:35:00.000+08:00

Hello to THAT person.

You stupid son of a bitch. You're such an asshole and if i know who you are, you're so going to get it from me. Don't think i won't know.

FUCK YOU.

With love,
Me.

p.s. yes pls go and pass it on. isnt tt what you're best at?

2005-11-14T07:24:00.000+08:00

Sometimes...
I really wish for something more.
I wish there's something better.

Sometimes... ...
you get overwhelmed by a feeling of something lacking.
that there's something missing
till your dreams come to haunt you in all its beauty
and u think that this is not the life you are looking for...
no...

do dreams really come true?
do aspirations and hopes really take place?
what am i really looking for?
Sometimes...
it's no use wanting more.

2005-11-08T15:16:00.000+08:00

hi it's all falling to pieces this stupid blog. ai yah. 3 more weeks!

anyway, i just found out tt i should have read these 2 books:

1) "How To Make Hay While The Sun STILL Shines (And not when it's dark)"

2) "Secrets To How Mothers Can Talk About NOTHING For Hours Everyday"

i think the country needs to build sth called a "Screaming Post". whereby ppl can go there and scream till their hearts' content.

aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!

2005-10-24T13:54:00.000+08:00

it's kinda ironic,

how always wanting

to spend time with oneself

can go one full circle

before

you realise it can be called

selfish.

tell me, is being overtly individualisitc/ being too damn independent a sign of anti-socialness? are we all caught up in our own little world?

2005-10-15T10:43:00.000+08:00

never speak a word again/i will crawl away for good
things have never been so swell/i have never failed to fail
pain
you know you're right.

no thought was put into this/i always knew to come like this

i thought u died alone/ a long long time ago

you know you're right
you know you're right
you know you're right

dont understand? good. fucking good.

2005-10-13T10:35:00.000+08:00

was clearing the cob webs on this blog and was pleasantly surprised to see long replies to the topic of "love". well.... l-o-v-e is a very big thing. all of us still have a lot to learn. well.. like they say... u nv stop learning in life. =)

this is the last week of sch. the last time i am going to a classroom setting to learn as a class. to follow a fixed time table with fixed breaks. wow. 2 years gone so fast. i've always think tt sec sch was too agonising. 4 years in sec sch! ok maybe becos i didnt like my sch and the ppl. but then if jc was 3 years, im sure there's more fun to come out of 04A3. i know it's stupid, but i'll miss the food outside the school. the hawker centre, the coffeeshop. haha. and all the cake shops there. charlene and i always have a great time surveying and checking the quality of the pastries. haha! and btw, NGT (dunno if spelt correctly) is the best cake shop in tt hawker centre area. the rest not as good.

also, it is with great sadness tt im going to say this. gombak stadium is going to be partly private good. wtf. ok wait. it's WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!

they're giving priorities to ppl who book the stadium. oh so good la. now they're turning into a capitalist stadium. profit driven somemore. how fabulous. and for the 2nd grade people aka the public, we can only use the stadium after 6.30pm on mon n thurs, 7.30pm on tues, wed n fri, 5.30 on saturday and for sunday it depends on whether anybody book it. can u hear my heart breaking? charlene!! no more rendezvous there. awww.. the great times. with all the night time and oxygen coming from the greenery. i hope someone will complain soon. maybe someone should use a card board to draw faces with the money sign right smack in the middle. and stick it outside the stadium. just like the lrt station with the adorable white elephants(ooooh! the ingenuity). and whoo hoo! the press will come in and the government will make a fuss -again-! maybe i should stick the card boards there and call the new paper to alert them of the news. then i'll get some gift like a handphone for alerting them.

oh shit. will i get implicated with the law for saying these? as u know. the government dun like to hear bad stuff on ppl's blog. esp plans of going against the government... we shoulnt even think of it. all blogs should look like this:

today in sch i sang the majulah singapura again! god i love tt anthem. i always feel so overwhelmed when i sing it. my heart gets flooded with love and warmth! and the pledge... is the next best thing to anything at all.

sch was good today too. my teachers are secular and no they do not try to spread their religion around.

- the end of the government pleasing blog-

yeah so. singapore is a socialist democratic state with no freedom of speech? (ok im i going to get killed for this?)

ok ok ok... yes. 2+2=5. whatever you say then.

(at least we're not being vaporised. yet.)

2005-09-25T16:02:00.000+08:00

hmmm i kinda agree u know. tt if u know someone loves u, u tend to be not so nice towards tt person. example just take a look at how u treat ur family members. u sulk, u reply to them rudely, u snap at them. (u dun do tt to ur friuends do u?)

u do tt to ur family becos u know tt no matter what they will still love u. and the love is still there. becos they dun ask for anything much in return. (or maybe they do...maybe just to be a bit nicer to them?)

so if im treating u badly, dun love me tt much then. dun be so nice to me.

i appreciate the loving, but i know i dun deserve tt much of it too. i've never asked for much to begin with.

and if u wanna give love, pls give it unconditionally. not everybody will return the same type and amount of loving. be selfless, but at the same time, dun ask (for much).

ok?

21 Sept 2005, Wednesday

2005-09-22T12:08:00.000+08:00

Well today is one day before thursday. not tt thursday is particularly special but well... there's the physical geog and econs mcq n drq n case study tmr. yeah. all in a day's work i know. ha.

so being super unproductive at home. as in like TP=0, AP=0, MC=0, TC=0 (no there's no fixed cost and variable cost in studying), i decided to go to sch and study in the library!

the sch library is a good place. no im not being sarcastic here. i mean there's the air con. and the nice furniture. and u know what's the best part? ALL the guide books there. let me tell u man, IF u read ALL the guide books there, ur P > ATC and u will be making supernormal profits. i think it's good u know. i mean in the looooooong run, u will still be earning supernormal profits. of cos, u'll need to increase ur productivity and efficiency if u wanna gain all the producer AND consumer surplus too. Yes. Supply-side policy. move ur bloody AS curve. Well u can increase ur AD too. Increase in Investment in tuition. but then again this is the short run we are talking abt man. like 44 days?! and there u go. u have ur fixed factor there. U know i wun mind having an inflation. at least my brain will be spilling with facts.

ok im going to sound like an ah ma now. narrating my grandmother story of what i did today. i ate fish and chips at the "JJ market" coffee shop. yes the one nearest to the road. so the singapore food gourmet here has lobang for u! come on! this will increase ur standard of living! (becos u will be eating better food)

1) the western food is good. i recommend the fish n chips. i think it's almost Swensens' standard. but then again i haven ate the Swensens one for a long time. and u know what's good at Swensens? it's... oh wait. tt's another story. and although the auntie there can have PMS sometimes, smiling at her very sweetly and acting guai will earn u one more big slice of delicious fish and one more scoop of coleslaw! Drink: chinese tea helps aft the meal. wash away the oil in ur tummy. of cos, eating with ur good friend will make the food more delicious. yum. [4.5/5 licked fingers]

2) POPIAH. the lady at the stall is very cute. she's sweet. she looks young. Fresh, soft and delicious are words (not to describe her) to describe the popiah. ai yah i tell u. the only place which has a nicer popiah than hers is at Newton Circus. but the service at Newton suck. The ppl there are quite proud. good la. got some stupid cert on ur stall big shot la. but yeah. it's 4.8/5 licked fingers at Newton. why no full marks? cos i believe one mountain still got another mountain higher. which in English means, i believe there's EVEN better ones out there. but these two are good enough. ask for more peanuts in ur popiah from this lady. i tell u hor, she tie her hair very cute. hahahaha. and her apron. hahaha. =) anyway, it's selling at one popiah for one dollar. so cheap la. Drink: PLAIN WATER. IT'S HEALTHY. DON'T ASK. [4.7/5 licked fingers]

so after lunch i went back to sch and study. the end.

and my arms ache. u know near the elbow there? i suspect it's a condition called "u-rest-ur-arms-on-the-table-for-too-many-hours-stupid".

and her future seems ominous. hours of writing are set out before her tmr. she lifted her head up to the full moon and sigh.

The Man Who Sold The World

2005-09-18T12:37:00.000+08:00

"The Man Who Sold The World" - Nirvana

We passed upon the stair,

We spoke of was and when

Although i wasn't there,

He said i was his friend

Which came as a surprise

I spoke into his eyes.

I thought you died alone

A long, long time ago

Oh no, not me

We never lost control

You're face to face

With The Man Who Sold The World

I laughed and shook his hand,

And make my way back home

I searched for form and land

For years and years i roamed

I gazed a hazely stare at all the millions here

I must have died alone, a long long time ago

Who knows, not me

I never lost control

You're face to face

With The Man Who Sold The World

______________________________________________

Dear friends , don't ever lose yourself.

# I # C # U #

2005-09-17T00:06:00.000+08:00

today on the journey to sch to collect the set of notes ms yap has kindly compiled for us, the smell of Rotiboy stubbornly stuck in our nostrils. it's those kind of smell tt's IN YOUR NOSE and me and char couldnt get more annoyed with it. maybe TIBS should come up with a new set of Do Nots.

1) No Durians
2) No Smoking
3) No Eating/ Drinking (but i dun really practise this myself)
4) No Rotiboy!
5) Or anything tt has a strong smell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yeah. then being the innovative nation Singapore is, they probably will come up with the brand new smell detector which can detect anything from smelly tofu to your own smelly underwear.

oh yeah. buses are getting diriter nowadays. it's quite dangerous to place ur head against the glass windows actually. not because the window will fall off but sometimes the surface is more smooth than u think and u nv know what stuff went there before ur head did (evil grin. HEHE).

Also, i found out one thing. When u ppl go out, esp if u go into sch, better be careful. you never know when someone is watching u and reporting u to someone else. so Big Brother-ish. yeah it's true, it's true. Utopian writers like Orwell write stories like 1984 to show us the world we live in. and congrats George, ur words do hold so much truth. now why isnt 1984 our primary text? what a shame.

ring-a-ling-a-ling =(

2005-09-13T07:14:00.000+08:00

oh u know how it is like.... u get off at the mrt station... u walk down the stairs in anticipation... u come out of the gates... u turn to ur left.. and (hold ur breath!) IT'S NOT THERE!

you continue to walk thru the shopping centre.. praying tt it will be at the covered walk way. u dun give up hope even though u've only seen it there like once in the 5 years u've lived there. you jay walk across the road.

No.. it's not there. =(

you long for it's soft, colourful texture... its sweet, overwhelming nature tt will elevate u. and the pain tt runs in ur body because it has been evading you for almost 3 weeks!

will the hurt nv end?

oh ice cream man... wherefore art thou???

please redeem the girl from her sorrow.

(saliva drips....)

my computer is working again!!! omg!!!

2005-09-11T18:12:00.000+08:00

ok, i think tt title explains everything! very good! it's working!!! yeah!!!! haha.
oh well. the prelims is starting on Monday. have been thinking a lot recently. i've been getting no joy in doing this A Levels thing. I mean yeah i get the fucking cert and then i get to a fucking uni (if i can get into one) and then i reach a dead end. i have no idea what to do. and i realise.... a lot of jobs/ courses only promote more "i-want-more-cash" or "cash-is-like-oxygen" mentality. like banking? yeah u want more money to buy all those branded goods. law? yeah yeah, the pay is good too. and u need expensive suits to wear to court. and yeah, the more expensive the cars the better. mass comm? appearance, dolling up and facials, plastic surgery is everything.
*pulls hair out* what is this?!?! i know mass consumption and buying on impulse is good for the economy. but what is it doing to us humans? seriously i like the rise in oil prices. hopefully ppl will travel less with their vehicles and in the end buy less cars. u know why? cos ppl are getting F-A-T. and unhealthy. where's all the walking? people seem to have done away with walking recently. wanna go to the nearby coffeeshop? let's drive there. the lifestyle we are leading is horrible.
do you know, zillions of years ago (ok tt's an exaggeration but whatever) those humans of tt time dun even need to plan time to exercise. heck they are exercising just by doing their daily work. last time our parents get to cycle to sch. tt's healthy lifestyle. tt's working ur body. it's estimated tt people in the past used to walk at least 12,000 steps a day. now? we fat slobs are only walking less than 5000 steps. and we have to be like some machine to drag our ass to the stadium and run 5 km. what was once natural, has become sth we have to constantly tell ourselves tt it's gd for us so tt we'll do it.
oh you know. i really love the world.
God bless us? *scoff. dun make me laugh.

why Jimmy Eat World rocks

2005-08-11T16:18:00.000+08:00

Three years on since their breakthrough 'Bleed American' (later self titled) album, Jimmy Eat World are back with this their fourth album, 'Futures'. Taking an extended break for the writing and recording process, not submitting to the pressure to follow up their hugely successful breakthrough album with a quick release, means expectations on the band are already very high.
To dispel any doubts you may have had straight off, 'Futures' is a truly remarkable album, not only does it match any of their previous efforts, it betters them. All the heart and feeling that went on to give them the 'emo band' tag is still there but with a new found almost epic edge, tracks such as 'Drug For Me', a 6 minute long piano driven affair and the following 'Polaris' show the band in a new found clique, building on the styles of their previous albums to produce something extraordinarily beautiful. The album closer, '23' clocking in at over 7 minutes builds up from nothing to an awesome masterpiece with layer upon layer of guitar ending in a powerful guitar solo.
This is an album of light and shade, one minute you’re listening to happy fast rock the next it has delved down into a darker, more beautiful realm. The lyrics are, as always, well thought out, deep and intensely emotional, "It's a lie / A kiss with opened eyes / And she's not breathing back / Anything but bother me", from the song 'Pain'.
All the rock is still in there however, tracks like 'Jen', the title track and the bombastic, 'Nothings Wrong' show the band's ability to still pen 3-minute radio friendly tunes whilst still retaining that all important edge.
There is no doubt that Jimmy Eat World have done it again and returned with a truly great album, if 'Bleed American' was their breakthrough, then 'Futures' will be the album to propel them to the next level.10/10

http://www.rockreview.co.uk/album.asp?id=282

10/10 means better than a rating of classic. they rate it indispensible.

this explains the fuss for "23". from nothing-ness, to extreme greatness.

charlene quek, cheers =)

i want caffeine pills

2005-08-02T22:39:00.000+08:00

40 more days to Prelims. Im so looking forward to it. arent u? i mean tt's the period of time when u will fully make use of the 24 hours tt are bestowed to u. why? cos u wun be slping much at all. hello bigger, heavier and darker eye bags.

i realised i dun excatly like coffee. other than the caffeine which keeps me awake, i dun really enjoy drinking my sugarless black coffee every morning. pls dun drink it on an empty stomach. u will die. but other than tt... coffee is ok la. maybe because i haven drank a super good one yet.

well anyway, charlie and the chocolate factory is coming out! like on thursday!! yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Johnny Depp and chocolates really go well together. hahaha. they're like girls' best friends after diamonds of cos. lol. but compared to diamonds, chocolate is a joyous sin (most of the time). the former can be called a joyous indulge! but both make u happy! haha

and guess what? next week, there's only sch on TWO days. Thursday and Friday. cos monday is half day in which we go to sch and sing patriotic i-love-singapore songs, tuesday is the day of independence, and wednesday is a holiday too! like WOW! plus saturday and sunday, tt's 5 days! pure bliss.

=)

it's getting to us all

2005-07-29T00:54:00.000+08:00

don't talk to me abt luck.
i don't believe in that bullshit 4 letter word.

so what's luck?

dictionary.com defines it as "the chance happening of fortunate or adverse events"

oh whoopie. even the word "chance happening" is fucked up.

that is why i nv believe in telling someone "Good luck" before a test/ competition. what u mean by luck? u either win or u lose. and whether u win or lose is BECOS of what u do in the competition, of how good u or the other person is. not becos *smiles sweetly* "luck was on ur side"

and whether u do well enough for a test is based on whether u've studied and revised hard enough. and tt includes attempting the tys and essays. dun just think reading the notes and u'll be invincible. the arrogance of people. tsk tsk. of cos im guilty of it too. so yeah... celebrations anyone? more red wine?

and dear friends.
please dun think u're not good enough anymore. it's perfectly ok to think and love urself more. if u dun love urself who will? it's the most basic of every single thing tt we need to do. "self love" but of cos not too much. then u'll become a fucking self centred bitch.
i think we need to live life with no apologies. stop apologising to people who dont matter. so what if u say sth tt ppl dun agree on? it's ur thought and since we have a mouth and we can talk why not just use it and voice it out? just dun be over bearingly rude. be frank. even if it hurts, it's probably the best thing to do. truth hurts and praises. it can bring u up and it can bring u down. either case, it's always good to self reflect. and i dun think by self reflect aka allocating time to urself and how to improve urself or reflecting on what a jerk u've been is being snobbish/ selfish.

wanna know what happens if u dun self reflect or give more time to urself?

feel guilty of being a snob/selfish -->Not self reflecting on ur own action --> Becomes fucked up --> Case Study: Osama Bin Laden n his harm to the world

In conclusion, pls stop thinking tt u're not worth it. tt u're not good. tt u're being selfish to think of urself. self love, self worth will lead to being happier. and being happier, the world will be nicer and u'll love again.

also, like i've said before. dun compare urself to others. yes some friendly competition is good to push u along. but don't do it 24/7. we just have to be the best tt we can be. give everything ur all. i mean so what if u compare urself to some other smart ass but u dun put in any effort? ultimately u will just fail. put in ur best, study hard, give it ur all and have no regrets. who knows u'll be better than the smart ass? =) it's possible. look beyond competing and comparing, dear friends.

i love all of you. stress is inevitable. we dun need unnecessary ones. we will help each other.

Believe.

we're all so practical

2005-07-10T12:47:00.000+08:00

hello
welcome to the world
whereby dog eat dog.
where everything everybody does
is for their own benefit.

oh yes, we are all unhappy ppl.
what the hell are we doing we ask.

here we have ppl going around searching for the true meaning in life.
yet never quite finding it.
because they are unable to see beyond themselves.
because everything is only in their own scope of vision.
narrow and binding.
and the outside is misty and foggy and they don't care

adding on our possession to another possession;
piling it sky rocket high.
are we happy with it?
what are we doing?
trying to purchase enough white elephants to buy happiness?

*scoffs

oh wait. let me get a zoo for u.

follow ur heart. earning so much money so tt u can buy ur nv ending list of materialistic shit is not the right way.

(this is highly inspired by Muse - "Citizen Erased")

A - Z of the best class in the world

2005-07-03T15:17:00.000+08:00

A - Andrea: Funky-licious, smart, oh so sweet

B - Bear aka Jason: Hearty laughter, dedicated bf, good in all subjects!

C - Clement: romantic at heart, THE thinker, muses abt life constantly.

D - Dance Queen: Char Tan; fun, fun, fun! expect the unexpected with her ard! =)

E - Econs: Fiscal policy, MP, i/r. We've got it all thanks to le chin!

F - Faye: the TALL, pretty one, hardworking, volleyball pro.

G - Gracie Grace: Amazing Grace how sweet her sound.haha. cute, adorable and fun to be with!

H - Helpful Arwinder: poised, diligent, gentle n a simply delightful friend!

I - Queen Idza: oohh.. the perfectionist, the class rep of the insanely insane 04A3!! =)

J - Trombone boy: Jeremy!! Good with $ n is so musically talented. pope in the making!

K - Keng Ee: great butt wriggler. haha! council is his life. worships metallica, dance well!

L - Lim Lee Lian: always reliable, certified food expert, insightful. cool-ly childish. =P

M - Meenatchi: Gold Indian Dancer, always ready with a smile!! keep it on girl!

N - Nicholas: Hee hee hee. Fellow iPod-er. Club king, ah beng, techno boy, smooth n slick

O - "O-ways" There: Arthur Kok, lives by papaya/ watermelon juices in the morn. our great CT!

P - PE boy: Tim Ng; bball, javelin, running, eating indian store fried chicken n prata. ripcurl too!

Q - Charlene Quek: student by day, indian prata woman by night. she rocks! ooh.. 23 baby.

R - Roxy Girl: Denise; short skirt, beach volley babe. my saliva is flowing!

S - Swee Ling: Swee long. ling a long. beware. be very afraid... muahahaha.

T - Teh si! :Mich. always caring, helpful n ALWAYS in sch on time! talented pianist!

U - Utopia: Where everything is perfect. help.

V - Vegetarian: Well, semi. Irresitable. AK's pet =P. very very smart is Maryanne! =) =)

W - Pui Mun: Hot chick, wise, mature and writes beautiful poetry!

X - eXtraordinary: yes, tt's what 04A3 is! against all odds, we can do it

Y - Youthful: We are a crazy bunch of fun loving ppl at heart. =P

Z - Ziheng: Tennis boy, has a habit of swinging and shaking. very nice to talk to!

04A3 rocks. really. =)

venturing into the unknown

2005-06-27T04:32:00.000+08:00

when will life be too much to bear? that every second passed will bring a stab to your heart, a feeling of unspeakable pain and hurt, that finally the only option out to relieve/ release you is to be gone.

It's not fun to be teetering with these thoughts.
but i cant help it. i witnessed some girl trying to jump off the building yesterday.

First look when i saw the figure in white shirt and dark bottoms up outside, sitting gingerly on the window sill, i was fixed. immediately i wanted to touch her. to give her a hug. to ask her what has gone so wrong for her. is it really tt bad? what drove u to this? then i suddenly realised maybe what she needed was just a listening ear. someone to show her tt they care. a few times doing the period i was there, she shifted her position around the window sill. she was at the 10th floor but at the 1st floor, the civil defence had already inflated the huge yellow balloon.

it would have been pointless for her to jump. she would have lived and she would have to live with the embarrassment tt her attempt to take her own life had failed with so many people watching her. but at tt point in time, does this matter of face really occurred to her? was she attention seeking? cos i know sometimes i do tt to my parents.

is death really a last resort for many of us? on the way home, my mother talked abt how her mother wanted to end her life too because of how cancer was killing her with the pain. it was lucky tt her sister and her caught their mother in the act and stopped her. dun you get a tinge of sadness knowing this? that the only form of escapism left for them is death. and they are foregoing so many things in life. it was the same case for my mother's friend who was stricken with cancer too. they were worried tt she would do anything stupid so they moved her out of her single ward room. for us young, energetic, full of vigor teenagers, of course we would think suicide is stupid. but why are people still doing it? rejection, pain, hurt, sadness, lost, humiliation. are these the horrible emotions tt lead them to this?

i dunno what else to say.

say good bye

2005-06-24T07:55:00.000+08:00

it's gone.

and you are not worth my time.

do whatever u want. think whatever you want.

im not gonna get into this tangled web of crazy emotions.

piece of advice: stop being so childish.

in the search of...

2005-06-23T16:45:00.000+08:00

TRUTH.

what is the truth. one of my friends started to question truth a few days ago. im sure he didnt do tt just then. but the doubt of truth must have been on his mind for a long time already.

so really. what is truth?

is it the actual real fact? then how do u know it's real? how do u know it's not fabricated? how do you not know tt everything tt u once believed and everything tt you stood for are all fake. a lie. a big grand illusion. you dont. you cant.

some ppl say u will know and experience the truth once you meet ur maker a.k.a when u're occupying some space in some icy porcelain like jar, but how do you even know if your maker exists? cant u just die and disappear from the face of the earth? must there be a "better" place up there? down there? whichever? then who says it's a better place? what if it's not? how do you know you have a soul? how do you know tt there's God watching over you? what if the sky is really empty and there's no celestial cities up there? and what? you base it all on a thick book? of what? stories? fables? legends? fairy tales? isnt it somewhat like a history text book. and haven you heard abt history. that it's just "fables agreed upon."

www.dictionary.com sums it up the best - Truth: "Conformity to fact or actuality. "

it's a horrifying thought. human beings adapt easily. just like in 1984, oryx and crake. when you change a fact or a way of life initially, the people who were from the past usually becomes unhappy. depressed, as if something is lacking. having a missing puzzle in their lives like martha cochrene. but look at the future generations. they accepted it whole heartedly. women as mere vaginas? oh sure. my ancestors were all like tt. it's perfectly normal for me to do this.

realised what was troubling everyone in our literature text? it was their past. their memory. so much so that they lived in them while in their present lives. they dwelled too much in them. but what's wrong with tt? at least it was sth that was real. that once happened. but even that vision could get mired. life gets increasingly different tt you start to wonder if it really existed in the first place. then to pacify yourself you convince yourself that nah, life was always how it is now.

so is conforming really the easiest way out? do we really accept too many facts too readily?

but then let me put it this way. do you wanna be happy?

(let's not complicate the difference of being really happy, and looking the part of it.)

then dun question the essence of truth too much. cos if you do, everything is questionable. yes right down to what makes u think the colour green is called green? dont overdo it.

don't.

caffeined out

2005-06-22T08:08:00.000+08:00

sitting in front of the computer,

looking out of the window,

i see daylight everywhere.

the realisation of it blows me away.

Night. Night is filled with the devils now.

how i've missed day light. bright, white and alive.

no. it's not an artificial day im looking at now.

Iron Maiden's Afraid to Shoot Strangers

2005-06-22T06:24:00.000+08:00

Lying awake at night

I wipe the sweat from my brow

But it's not the fear

'cos I'd rather go now

Trying to visualize

the horrors that will lay ahead

The desert sand mound a burial ground

lost

2005-06-21T18:55:00.000+08:00

it's early in the morning now. everybody's sound asleep at home. in the comfort of their beds. mid year exams start tmr for me.

haha. halfway studying with lee lian, we're wondering what the heck we are doing studying at this hour. and why the fuck we are in a JC. im back at the same cafe again. it's called "Pacific Coffee Company". i love its free internet. im pretending to look snobbish so tt the staff wun ask me to get lost for using their internet without patronising them. haha.

but at this point of time, after half a year or JC 2 has gone by, it's too late for regrets. it's really stupid burning the midnight oil huh. i think in the morning, i'll just slp away the whole day and not accomplish anything. and it'll be nobody's fault but mine.

of subway, dance-y music and americano

2005-06-20T21:16:00.000+08:00

well well well. the time now is 6.04 am. lee lian is sitting on the red couch and stoning like shit. there's sth wrong with me. i dun exactly feel sleepy. hmm. must be the great ambience. hahaha. and me imagining my dad saying sub consciously tt this location is a good place for terrorists to attack, to bomb us, to make us vanish from the surface of earth. like ta dah!!! u die.

at least i got some studying done. at this moment, at this time, maybe it's not enough. the fucking exams are like on wednesday and im so looking forward to it. i can say bye to geography already. phy geo is a disaster. with ITCZ, STJS, PF, and some other polar jet stream which i cant remember since my brain has been working overtime. and human geo. woah. with its endless case studies, im left.... speechless and action-less. and for the last day of exams, we have *drum roll... LITERATURE PAPER 1!! now lit paper 1 is usually not tt troublesome. but the thing is we have 3 texts now. so can someone tell me what to study?

oh yeah, by the way... im turning nocturnal.

*hoot
*hoot
*hoot.

(some flapping sounds)

-the end-

the importance of being fat

2005-06-20T02:45:00.000+08:00

yesterday i went for a family bbq. hahaha. it was fun, we had everybody there, my 2nd uncle's family, my 6th auntie's family plus mine. ok not exactly everybody but we rounded up those who live in woodlands and heeded out for a good time.

it was nice cos we get to bond together again. i got to talk to the boy prodigy. abt studying and stuff. then i also got to talk to wei qi, about scuba diving, driving, and jc. surprisingly, the conversation started to flow when we talked abt JC. haha. something dreadful can be so arrestingly absorbing as a conversation topic?

well i think it was the fear tt he had and the one i have now. yeah fear is everything. fear eats u up, destroys u, consumes u, but it also bonds u with ppl. i mean i've nv talked so much to him before until yesterday. it was interesting and he's going NUS. i wanna get into NUS too. haha. i was telling him "see u next year" and his sister tt "we're going to be NUS in the same year". but she wants me to join her in engineering. like helloooo? no? you're talking to a mathethematics idiot, comatose, brain dead, person when it comes to tt subject. it's so terrifying tt now i dun even use it much. even when i go shopping, i'll just whip out my trusty hp to calculate the discounted prices. haha. no my brain wun work for math anymore.

oh yeah so back to the topic. the importance of being fat.

have u ever realise tt there's always a FAT person in every family. like in my family, im known as the fat girl cos i was in TAF in primary sch and i was really fat back then. hahaha. then even now it's still true. and im called fat everyday by my nice brother, like if there's any unfinished food, he'll go "let the fat girl eat it". then yesterday when we were packing up for the bbq, it's the same. my cousin edmund is known as the fat one. then the cousin who wanted to go to NUS engineering was known as the fat girl in her family even though she's NOT NOT NOT NOT fat. hello.. she can fit into hot short shorts. and she was telling me she need to lose weight as i tucked into my warm delicious sweet potato which is extremely sinful at such a late hour with its carbo and stuff. so it was like "yeah right. u dun have to lose weight! *bites into sweet potato * chomp chomp you're already slim enough!! *bite * chomp chomp"

yeah anyway. here's all to the fat girls! cheers =)

what's impt is not how society thinks being slim enough is. it's being comfortable with your own weight.

keeping alive

2005-06-15T03:48:00.000+08:00

i hate bright white lights. like how they stare into your face. esp when u're trying to fall asleep (when u really should be studying) on your bed and the fucking white light just continues shining right through your closed eye lids. and when u're forced to open them at long last, the light has a jarring effect. let's just say it'll keep you wide eyed.

i cant slp tonight. it's 12.13pm. im supposed to be feeling sleepy. oh shit. i think my brain just happened to wash tt word away or sth. im quite unhappy with ch 5 today. they fucking cheated the viewers with their "Desperate Housewives Special" oh yeah. right. what special was that? that was just a freaking RE CAP. and hello. and i think mandy could have done a better recap than tt. argh. what's their fucking problem. after the show they still had the cheek to put "ONLY 4 MORE EPISODES BEFORE THE SHOW ENDS". Oh yeah. thanks. THEN WHY ARE U NOT PLAYING IT?! oh what? the final has to fall on some auspicious date? hey wanna check out an auspicious hour too? i think 3am will do fine in fact. and dun worry i think you'll get more viewers than a champion league match. ok forget it. im just ranting.

oh yeah. keeping alive now. i guess im keeping alive by fear. when u know u ought to be doing sth, but there's so many things to be done u dunno what to do! the worst thing is you know you shouldnt be here wasting your time. but nvm. you comfort yourself telling yourself that you're in a zombie mode now and you wouldnt feel bad abt this wasted time.

anyway daddy will be coming home soon. wednesday. the prodigy boy wonder will be home too. yeah everybody will be home. i miss my daddy. he's the guy who cracks us up without trying at all. he's so sweet and nice and (i miss his tummy) _______ insert any other nice synonyms. okok i also wanna look at what he got for me. lol.

ok im deviating from the real problem. you know like the coriolis force? when it deviates. at the northern hemisphere it will deviate right, and at the south, left. and when it becomes parallel to the isobars analogous to my sanity, everything will be alright.

just like the yellowcard song - "believe"

Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Everything is gonna be alright
Be strong.
Believe.

but what if the faith runs dry? so u become wrinkled and dried while waiting for faith to get moving. like a dried up river bed? with cracks all over you. with cracks all over you.

the packet of oreo is staring at me from the dining table.

nonsensical fun

2005-06-12T12:48:00.000+08:00

in my messed up room

shopping bags lay askew

papers, files, books

they all complete this wondrous picture of untidiness.

something has got to be done.

like, now??!

haha

=) im happy. dun mind me

the ghost has been exorcised.

rachel, i love u.

thank YOU.

James Blunt's "You're Beautiful"

2005-06-11T13:41:00.000+08:00

My life is brilliant

My love is pure

I saw an angel

Of that I'm sure

She smiled at me on the subway

She was with another man

But I won't lose no sleep on that,

'Cause I've got a plan

You're beautiful

You're beautiful, it's true

I saw you face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,

As we walked on by

She could see from my face that I was,

Fucking high,

And I don't think that I'll see her again,

But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful

You're beautiful, it's true.

I saw you face in a crowded place,

And I don't know what to do,

'Cause I'll never be with you.

You're beautiful

You're beautiful, it's true

There must be an angel with a smile on her face,

When she thought up that I should be with you

But it's time to face the truth,

I will never be with you.

psuedo-humans

2005-06-04T16:32:00.000+08:00

this is a greatly disturbing scene. i feel like offred. with the white wings around her face to prevent her from being seen and to see but yet able to describe the world outside in detail. because she is all knowing? hmmmm.

oh well was at this place and i saw ppl not being who they were. it's so sad. they're j1 only. 2nd intake somemore. and within the 2 months look how much they've changed. their speech lingo is different and is fine tuned to the way the grp they hang out with speaks. the way they act is like them too. nth abt them is abt who they used to be anymore. and tt scene is so frightfully scary.

i dunno why people like to live their lives like tt. they are not who they are because they want to fit in. because what? it's cool? it's hip? it's the in thing? fuck all tt. go KMA or sth. what's the point of not being urself?!! you're just a walking outer shell. for show. for pleasing other people purpose. go to hell la.

there's a lot of things wrong with this human race. All of us are idiots. some ppl want to be loved so much tt they are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nice to others, in the hope tt others will be sooooooooooooooooo (it's halved if u notice. cos ppl like tt arent tt optimistic abt getting the same amt of love anyway) nice to them in return.

everyone is highly insecure nowadays.

it's all abt fitting the mould and BEING the freaking mould.

what happened to breaking the mould?

95074

2005-06-03T16:43:00.000+08:00

today i felt the pain of attachment.

it's not easy to let go. to break out of ur usual routine.
why is it tt hard to break free from being attached to sth/ someone? why will the roots grow so deep in. and when u finally pull them out it hurts and leave holes in the ground?
and what's left is the reminder tt it once exists. that unfilled, emptiness tt leaves an ache in ur heart.

see... isnt it better to be free. to not be tied down. to not have feelings for sth/ someone? so tt it prevents u from feeling anything when it's gone.

it's kinda sad. i thought i've outgrew feeling like tt. but apparently not. nostalgia is fused into the air. everyone breathes it. lives it. want an example. look at ur sms inbox. so many ppl i know keeps some msgs from long ago still. i always wonder why ppl keep so many? of long ago encouraging words, advices, special moments? so what? so tt u hope it will last forever? will keeping it make any diff? what's impt is u urself know it. read it a few times, keep it in ur heart and delete it. no use pulling at the very threads of tt msg. of cos, this is only how i feel. many many ppl keep memorable smses in their inbox and go back to reminsce abt them once in a while. nothing wrong, but i think it isnt good to hold on to something too long. when it's gone, u won't be able to take it.

haha. it's like matchbox twenty's "disease"

"keep ur distance from me, pay no attention to me, i've got a disease"

hmmm. not much sense.